Wikipedia:Peer review/House's Head/archive1

House's Head

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to try for FAc again in some time, however there are a few things that need to be done, what I'm looking for is the following:

• Published reviews of the episode to expand the critical reaction section (perhaps someone with a Nexis account).
• A copy-editor who is willing to take a look at the article.
• Someone who can prove this source is reliable, or find a reliable source to replace it.
• Perhaps, not manditory, someone who can take a screenshot of the final scene of the episode (the bus reenactment), to replace the current image.
  

Any additional comments are welcome and very much appreciated.

Thanks very much, --Music26/11 17:45, 20 December 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Unfortunately I am unable to help with any of the specifics requested above, except to point out a few rough spots in the prose (in lieu of a copyedit). Could you ask for help from WikiProject Television on any of these? I think this is pretty well done. Very briefly, here are some nit-picky suggestions for improvement.

• Be consistent about referring to characters. Why is it "Dr. Gregory House" and "Dr. James Wilson" on first mention, but "Dr. Chase" (why not "Dr. Robert Chase") and oddest of all just "Amber Volakis" (why not "Dr. Amber Volakis")?
• I would say more about Fred Durst's casting as the bartender - provide context for the reader (not everyone knows who he is or it is surprising that he acted well). Any reason for this "stunt casting" (is he a big fan of the show? friend of the producers)?
• This paragraph seems roughest During the preparations for the bus crash, the whole sequence was storyboarded.[12] Greg Yaitanes described stunt-coordinator Jim Vickers as "crucial" for the filming of this sequence.[5] The bus crash scene was filmed interior using a big spinning wheel (which Anne Dudek referred to as a "gadget").[12] This gadget was mainly the back of the bus, and could be turned 360 degrees to increase the authenticity of the scene.[5] For the rest of the bus, a greenscreen was used that surrounded the complete outside of the bus.[5] The shots involving Anne Dudek, were filmed at another time, using light effects and people acting like they are in a bus crash in the otherwise motionless gadget.[12]
  • I find it distracting to refer to it as the gagdget throughout - why not call it "a set" or "the bus set"?
  • I would link storyboard
  • I am really not sure what this means The bus crash scene was filmed interior using a big spinning wheel (which Anne Dudek referred to as a "gadget").[12] Perhaps it owuld read better as The interior of the bus during the crash scene was filmed using a bus set mounted in a large wheel which could spin as needed (which Anne Dudek referred to as a "gadget").[12]
  • The next sentence could then be something like This special set was essentially the back of the bus, and could be rotated 360 degrees to authentically mimic a rolling bus crash for the scene.[5]
  • The last sentence could then be something like The shots involving Anne Dudek were filmed at another time, using light effects and people acting as if they were in a bus crash in the otherwise motionless special set.[12]
• The awards section is also unclear to me - I am not sure what it means that various people submitted the episode on their behalf for various Emmy nominations. Is this just those "For your consideration" ads that appear in trade papers? This needs to be made clearer. Again, WP:PCR

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 21:25, 2 January 2009 (UTC)