Wikipedia:Peer review/Home of Truth, Utah/archive1

Home of Truth, Utah[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for February 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I can see it's still not comparable to the Good Articles, etc. that I've seen, but I'm not sure where to go from here. This is an obscure topic, and I seem to have exhausted the published sources, so I don't know what further development is feasible. What's missing from the article? Obviously it could use some photos, but I don't think I'll be getting down there soon. Are there any other sections it needs, or other subjects the existing ones should cover? How's the text? There are a couple of potentially controversial issues here; is the article both informative and neutral? What does it need? Thanks, Ntsimp (talk) 00:40, 18 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The only reference that I can find that is not used is "WHEN 'TRUTH' FOUND A HOME IN SOUTHEASTERN UTAH. Pierson, Lloyd M.; Canyon Legacy 1994 (21): 19-23." I don't know if this would present anything new as the author is the same as the The Canyon Country Zephyr already used in the article. Canyon Legacy appears to be the publication of this musuem. I don't have access to the article but you can try an email to the museum. --maclean 21:52, 24 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. I'll order that issue and see if it helps. Ntsimp (talk) 22:34, 24 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments: This is an interesting article that requires more work. Here are a few general points for you to consider. I will deal with individual prose points later.

Map: It would help if the map could also show the location of the nearest town to the colony
Images: I think it would be possible to justify a fair-use rationale for either or both the images shown here (Ogden) or here (Home of Truth buildings). See WP:NFURG. If this is unfamiliar ground let me know and I'll find someone who will help.
Marie Ogden: In view of her central role in the project you need to include much more information on Marie Ogden. It isn't enough to describe her as "a widow from New Jersey". The San Juan Record source has lots of personal information you can use to expand the Ogden section
Article structure: this looks odd, and some of the section headings are not appropriate. "Geography" has very little geography in it and should be renamed "Location". Section headings should not replicate the article title, so the "The Home of Truth" subsection should be changed to something like: "Utah colony". At present, nearly all the article is within a main section called "History". This is unnecessary. I suggest that a better structure for the whole article would be:
- Lead
- Location
- Marie Ogden
- Utah colony
  - Foundation (based on first two paras of present "The Home of Truth" subsection)
  - Colony life (based on last two paragraphs of "The Home of Truth" subsection)
  - Raising the dead (based on first para of "The Rebirth of a Soul" subsection)
  - Decline and closure (based on the second para of the "Rebirth" section
- Aftermath
Numbers greater than 10, e.g. "twenty-two" in the lead, and "twenty-one" elsewhere, should be presented numerically: 22 and 21

Perhaps you would respond to these suggestions before I comment on the actual prose. Brianboulton (talk) 19:38, 25 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the ideas. I agree and will get working on these. I don't know enough to do what you suggest with the map, but I think it's a good idea. I don't like fair use images, but I wouldn't object to someone adding them. I haven't been satisfied with the structure, but didn't know what to do; I like your plan. Thanks again, and I welcome anything else you have to say. Ntsimp (talk) 19:57, 25 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Dr. Cash comments: Quite an interesting article, particularly from a historical perspective. I think it's getting to a reasonably complete state (as complete as an article on a ghost town is going to be). To improve the article, I think that some photos of the current site, or maybe even historical photos (if available), should be added. I also think that having a section on "Marie Ogden" seems a bit awkward -- I think it would be better to move that text into the 'Foundation' section under 'Utah Colony' instead, since she is the founder of the community. I'm not sure if a separate wikipedia article on Marie Ogden is necessary, or if enough information could be added about her, but the content of the section seems more appropriate for the main section. Cheers! Dr. Cash (talk) 18:25, 10 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for reviewing the article. I've moved the Marie Ogden section to "Foundation", and renamed the "Utah colony" section "History", which I think better fits the standards for articles on communities. That takes the article structure somewhat closer to the one Brianboulton didn't like, but at least it's broken up with better subsections now. I'll keep working on this; thanks for the input. Ntsimp (talk) 19:25, 10 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]