Wikipedia:Peer review/Gloria Yip/archive1

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Gloria Yip[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it is one that I started and worked with terrible Babelfish translations from Chinese Wikipedia's sources in order to write. I am still looking for ways to further improve the article, though I have no idea where I would find a free picture, after the fair use one I submitted was deleted.

Thanks, Scottandrewhutchins (talk) 05:06, 2 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I think I've done everything mentioned in the automated peer review but find a free-use image. --Scottandrewhutchins (talk) 18:23, 7 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: I found this to be an interesting article. While it is clear that a lot of work has been put into it, some more is needed to improve it further. Here are some suggestions for improvement:

  • A model article is useful for ideas on style, refs, structure, etc. There are 28 model FAs at Category:FA-Class biography (actors and filmmakers) articles that may be useful.
  • The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. First off, nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself (so the fact she is te eldest of two sisters should be in the article, for example).
  • Since the lead is a summary, my rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way - currently the talent scout is not in the lead, nor are her CDs. Lead should probably also be at least two paragraphs - please see WP:LEAD
  • Article needs more references, for example last two paragraphs of Film career: first phase (and most of the first paragraph there) or all of the Discography section are without refs. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref. See WP:CITE and WP:V
  • Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful.
  • Also make sure that references are reliable, see WP:RS and if a source is in a language other than English that should be mentioned too.
  • Article needs a copyedit - there are many very rough spots with poor grammar and odd word choices. For example - returned to the screen in 2001 with a cameo role in Heroes in Love after Chen failed to pay her allowances.[9][10] I believe "alimony" is meant instead of "allowances". Or the lead at Discography is not even a complete sentence.
  • Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem.

Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 00:18, 8 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

One of the challenges when you are using an automated translator is that when words like "allowances" come up it's difficult to know if such terminology is the culturally-appropriate word or something that you need to change. --Scottandrewhutchins (talk) 21:45, 9 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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