Wikipedia:Peer review/George Camocke/archive1

George Camocke

Looking to see what changes that this article needs in order for it to be a Good Article.

Thanks, JC7V (talk) 19:22, 22 December 2018 (UTC)

Comments from KJP1

Some suggestions below:

Prose - although I'm aware this has had a copy edit, there are a number of instances where the meaning is unclear, at least to me. In particular;

• "He repeatedly appealed to and glorified the admiralty";
• "but instead, Camocke transported Spanish soldiers from Palermo to Alicante via Madrid";
• "Camocke had wanted to acquit himself by pleasing the lordship with his zest for his Majesty King George's service";
• "this was once intended for him by the King of Britain";
• "as opposed to a loan reimbursal that was made to Charles XII from the English Jacobites";
• "he left behind his king's commission for making admiral of the white along with his treasonable papers".

Sorting these will also address the "clarification" tags.

Phrasing - the phrase "favour had run out" reads rather oddly. "Fallen out of favour" would be more common, but it's not particularly encyclopedic.

References

• ISBN numbers - you've a mixture of styles, where you should have consistency.
• Source 4 - "he has some" - don't think you need this in the title.
• Not sure why some sources are listed in the References section while others aren't? And what are the two Leslies doing? Are they Further reading? And why is he knighted in one and not in the other?
• Source 3 says he died in Rouen, though you have Cetua? Also there's a 35% match on this source, which suggests there may be some instances of too-close paraphrasing. I think that's the explanation for "pleasing the lordship with his zest for his Majesty King George's service".
• Sources 3/10/11 don't have publication dates.

Infobox - not obligatory by any means but I'd suggest it would work here. If it's good enough for Nelson...

It's a good start but I think there's some work to be done before it's ready for GA. KJP1 (talk) 09:40, 24 December 2018 (UTC)

Comments

• Is anything more known about his life before joining the navy?

• "Camocke's explanation for his actions was considered unsatisfactory, and he was told that he was suspended until he could be cleared by a court-martial. " - source?

• "Camocke's had fallen out of favour with everyone" - not sure what is meant here

• Are any images available to illustrate the article? Nikkimaria (talk) 16:54, 29 December 2018 (UTC)

Comment: User who initiated peer review is blocked indefinitely. Nikkimaria and KJP1: unless you object, I will close it. Thank you for commenting! Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 01:12, 6 March 2019 (UTC)

That's a pity, but in the circumstances I think you'd be right to close it. KJP1 (talk) 07:04, 6 March 2019 (UTC)

Because the nominator was blocked and nobody has objected to closing this, as well as the fact that this has been open since December and the last comment was one month ago, I will be closing this. Courtesy pinging Nikkimaria, KJP1, and Eddie891. Cheers, --SkyGazer 512 ^{My talk page} 13:39, 6 April 2019 (UTC)