Wikipedia:Peer review/Francis Ford Coppola/archive2

Francis Ford Coppola[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I believe this article satisfies all the conditions it requires to be a featured article, or at least a good article. I have recently re-edited the entirety of the page. In the process I greatly improved its overall get-up, furnished plenty of relevant and previously-not-present information, and provided suitable external links to all of them.

Thanks, Cupidcobra1 (talk) 08:51, 21 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this, unfortunately I think it still needs a lot of work before it would pass at FAC (and some before it owuld be a GA). Here are some suggestions for improvement.

One of the big problems here is the article's references. Per WP:CITE references come AFTER punctuation without a space between, and are usually at the end of a sentence or phrase. A space does follow the ref. So things like He also directed “Ayamonn the Terrible”, a film about a sculptor’s nightmares coming to life. [11]It was then he decided to experiment as a serious film director and ended up directing a softcore porn film ... need to be fixed.
The article needs more references in places, for example the sentences Somewhat superior to the run-of-the-mill exploitation films being turned out at that time, the film recouped its shoestring expenses and went on to become a minor cult film among horror buffs. It was on the sets of Dementia 13 that he met his future wife Eleanor Jessie Neil. have no ref and need one, or the whole second paragraph of the "Patton (1970)" section needs at least one ref.
My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref. The external link checker shows that there are two dead links that will need to be fixed.
Refs need complete information. For example, internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
The File:Patton1.jpg is fair use, and does not have a fair use rationale for this article. As such it can be removed at any time here - see WP:FAIR USE and WP:NFCC
There are three more free pitcures of Coppola on Commons that could be used here.
Structurally I owuld write the article more like the 1960s section, than the 1970s and later sections. Having a section on each film breaks up the flow of the article and, in most cases, is not warranted. Does Jack really need its own two-sentence section?
Similarly the article has several short (one or two sentence) sections that need to either be combined with others or perhaps expanded.
There are places where the article has needless repetition "After obtaining his bachelor's degree from Hofstra, Coppola enrolled in the University of California at Los Angeles. There he chanced to befriend Jim Morrison. Coppola would later use his well-known number The End in Apocalypse Now.[14] Very soon he enrolled in UCLA Film School for graduate work in film.[10] At UCLA, Coppola directed a short horror film ..."
Or is this correct Coppola shot The Godfather Part II parallel to The Conversation. Didn't he film it and Part I at the same time?
Per WP:ITALIC, do not use italics for quotations.
Most featured articles on artists have some sort of critical reception section (this does not, though reviews of many of his films are included in those sections).

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:49, 30 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]