Wikipedia:Peer review/Escape from Tomorrow/archive1

Escape from Tomorrow

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I put it together in a week after reading about this film, which it doesn't look at the moment will be any more widely released than it already has been, in The New York Times, and a lot of people went out of their way to say how much they liked it when it was on DYK. What more improvements could be made?

Thanks, Daniel Case (talk) 22:06, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

Comments

• It has been called "the ultimate guerrilla film" -> "It was called". Eliminates the weasel words.
• "While they conceded the film's audacious production made it worth their time to watch, other critics found some flaws." -> "other critics found flaws"
• "Disney would have to convince a court that the use of its protected imagery in the movie could reasonably lead viewers to believe that it had some role in the film's production" -> "had a role in the film's production"
• "such as keeping their scripts on their iPhones and shooting on handheld video cameras similar to those used by the park's many visitors." -> "used by the park's visitors"
• "such as charting the position of the sun weeks in advance since they could not use any lighting equipment." -> "use lighting equipment"
• "To compensate for their inability to control the lighting in any way" -> "inability to control the lighting,"
• "He had little hope that it would be accepted due to the festival's many corporate sponsors." -> "festival's corporate sponsors"
• "nor taken any legal action by the middle of the following week" -> "nor taken legal action"
• "Even if it were to successfully prevent any official distribution," -> "prevent official distribution"
• "Despite all the critical apprehension that the film would never be shown outside the festival" -> Despite critical apprehension"
• " In his Post review, Smith suggested that Disney prevent all this by taking the opposite course," -> "Disney prevent this by"
• Needs some kind of alt text for the movie poster

That's all for now. --TKK ^{bark !} 12:23, 27 February 2013 (UTC)

I have made all these changes. Thanks! Daniel Case (talk) 19:51, 4 March 2013 (UTC)