Wikipedia:Peer review/Elon Ganor/archive1

Elon Ganor

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because Elon Ganor is a friend of mine so I would like feedback to make sure it meets wikipedia's standards.

Thanks, Jeffpulver (talk) 21:02, 16 November 2013 (UTC)

Suggestions generated by an automatic JavaScript program

Suggestions generated by an automatic JavaScript program

Suggestions generated by an automatic JavaScript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

• Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.^[?]
• Consider adding more links to the article; per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (links) and Wikipedia:Build the web, create links to relevant articles.^[?]
• As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2]^[?]
• Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.^[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas.

-(t) Josve05a (c) 23:10, 22 November 2013 (UTC)

Comments from LT910001

Thanks for your edits to this article. It's very interesting to read. I have a few comments that you may take or leave at your behest:

• Early life could be fleshed out a bit more
• This article would benefit from a general copy-edit from a second pair of eyes. WP:ISRAEL or WP:COMPANIES may have a willing participant for this.
• A source is missing for the early life section.
• This article contains a lot of bracketed content, which is impacting on readability. If content is notable enough, it should be included in prose - if not, then deleted or put in as a footnote.
• This article is an orphan article, so consider finding another appropriate article and linking to the page from there.

I wish you well on your wiki-travels, and hope this advice is useful (although it is mostly stylistic in nature). Kind regards, --LT910001 (talk) 13:33, 10 December 2013 (UTC)