Wikipedia:Peer review/Dragon Warrior/archive1

Dragon Warrior

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because would like to bring this up for FAC and want to know what could be done to improve it.

Thanks, 陣内_Jinnai 17:17, 18 January 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is not a complete review but rather an incomplete list of suggestions for improvement.

• Although the prose is generally pretty good, it is not yet good enough for FA. I would suggest enlisting the aid of a copyeditor, preferably one with gaming experience. You might be able to find one via WP:GOCE#REQ.

• I think the fair-use rationale for the lead image is justified but that the other images are decorative rather than necessary for a reader's understanding of the text. I doubt that any but the first will pass the WP:NFCC test at FAC.

• At least two paragraphs, in the "Manga" section, lack sources. The "original research" tag in the "North American localization" section should also be addressed.

Lead

• "It was then and purchase by TSR, Inc., which then published it as an alternate line to Dungeons & Dragons until 1987." - This sentence in the note does not make sense as written.

• "Its effects on the console RPG genre have been considered to be above and beyond that of the more widely recognized, in the West, title of Final Fantasy." - Awkward construction. Suggestion: "Its effects on the console RPG genre are considered to be more important than that of Final Fantasy, which is more widely recognized in the West."

• The claim about "above and beyond", which I suggest modifying to "more important", needs a source since it is an unusual claim.
  • Does the new rewording need a citation still? I would prefer not to per WP:LEADCITE if it doesn't.陣内_Jinnai 01:13, 1 February 2011 (UTC)

• "Dragon Warrior is credited for setting the basic template for which all other RPGs use today." - Awkward. Suggestion: "Dragon Warrior is credited with establishing the basic template for all other RPGs."

• The link checker in the toolbox at the top of this review page finds one dead url in the citations.
  • Fixed.陣内_Jinnai 01:13, 1 February 2011 (UTC)

Gameplay

• "allowing the Hero to level-up in ability and allows them" - "Hero" is singular, but "them" is plural.
  • Reworded.陣内_Jinnai 01:13, 1 February 2011 (UTC)

References

• The date formatting should be consistent throughout the citations.
  • Done.

• Some of the citations are incomplete. Citations to web sources should include author, title, publisher, url, date of publication, and date of most recent access, if all of those are known or can be found.
  • Done.陣内_Jinnai 02:20, 1 February 2011 (UTC)

• References to books should include the place of publication as well as the publisher. If you don't have this information in your notes, you can usually find it via WorldCat.
  • Done.陣内_Jinnai 02:20, 1 February 2011 (UTC)

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 18:07, 29 January 2011 (UTC)

It is common practice and accepted that at least 1 video game image is needed for any non-text-based video game as a description cannot easily describe it. The rest, well I'd like to know your opinions as to why.

I will check the citations, but "author" and "Date of Publication" are not required if one cannot be found.陣内_Jinnai 23:03, 31 January 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments In response to your post on the peer review talk page, I read this PR and then scanned the article. Here is what I saw on a quick look.

• The PR points out that multiple fair-use images would be an issue at FAC and I see that it has six fair use iamges. How does each one of these meet every single criterion in WP:NFCC?
• Looking at the Slime image, for example, I do not see any real discussion of slime in the article except for the caption and a breif statement at the end of the article that many Japanese will draw a slime that appears similar to this one. If this is meant to illustrate that, then the image should be near that text. The fair use rationale says the purpose of the image in the article is To show the original battle screen for Dragon Warrior and how it does not change the overworld map, but simply overlays it. In addition, it shows the basic menu system that is used throughout the game. but the image is not discussed in this context either.

• • The boxart, per NFCC#1 and recent RfC that 1 coverart is accepatable because the critical commentary is about the work, not the cover as decided there.
  • The battle one shows gameplay image.
  • The next two show how the game was changed from Japanese to English.
  • The last two depict the graphical changes that were made during the remakes and how they differ from both the original and each other.
  • I agree the battle image is the weakest, but image use is discussed later in development and restrictions placed on the game...although maybe I forgot that. I'll go check.陣内_Jinnai 22:03, 4 February 2011 (UTC)

• I agree that the article (still) needs a copyedit - for most articles at FAC, the most difficult FA criterion to meet is 1a, a professional level of English. Looking at the edit history it does not appear that a copyedit has been done.
  • If you spot anything please feel free to add that. Finding copyeditors for video game articles is not an easy task, although since this is a short article, it may be easier.陣内_Jinnai 22:03, 4 February 2011 (UTC)
• I am not sure that the lead really follows WP:LEAD - my rule of thumb is to include every section (header) in the lead in some way, but the Plot and Characters do not really seem to be in the lead, for example.
  • I added something. The plot is VERY bare-bones and the characters few in number.陣内_Jinnai 22:10, 4 February 2011 (UTC)
• Some of the references are still incomplete - fro example current ref. 17 is Oleg, p. "Brief History of Japanese RPGs" There is a broken link to "Oleg". I am not sure if it is supposed to be "Oleg, P." (so the "p." should be capitalized?) or if it is "p." is that an abbreviation for "page"? If so it needs a number after the "p.". The main problem is that I do not know what "Brief History of Japanese RPGs" is - is it a book or a chapter in a book or an article from a newspaper or magazine or journal or is it a web page? Part of the purpose of refs is to provide enough information that an interested person can find the source and learn more. I could not do that based on what is here.
  • I removed that source as it appeared to be unreliable and replaced it with a quote taken from the main article that explains it in a similar manner (from the creator himself). In light of that I re-checked the other sources and cleaned up formatting issues.陣内_Jinnai 22:52, 4 February 2011 (UTC)

Note this is not a complete review, but if I can find this many problems in a few minutes, the article would not do well at FAC. Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:34, 3 February 2011 (UTC)

I've addressed the issues raised here, save the copyedit which I cannot do myself.陣内_Jinnai 22:53, 4 February 2011 (UTC)