Wikipedia:Peer review/Deadalive/archive1

Deadalive

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to get it up to FA. It's currently a GA, and it's being worked towards A-Class. Any comments would be wonderful. Thanks.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 05:46, 28 October 2012 (UTC)

Comments from Noleander

• Following a request on my talk page here, I'll do a peer review. This is a stale page from Oct/Nov 2012, but I'll reuse it anyway. --Noleander (talk) 20:49, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

Lead

• Wording: " infection in Skinner's blood as leverages, .." - should be "leverage"
• Wording: ", and he tries to get him " -> maybe better as "and Krycek tries to get Skinner to .."

Plot

• Time? "In the episode "This is Not Happening".." - maybe "In the eighth season episode "This is Not Happening" " Confusing: "Skinner orders Mulder's body exhumed at a hospital, .." - Isnt Multer buried? Is he buried in a hospital?
• Wording: " a decomposing Mulder—despite all medical knowledge—shows weak vital signs." - "despite all medical knowledge" is not quite right. Maybe: "contrary to all scientific expectations" or "contrary to all rational expectations" etc
• Wording: "and Scully notices that he has two heartbeats while visiting him." -> and while visiting him, Scully notices that he has two heartbeats." may be better
• Explain: "At the FBI, Kersh tries to persuade Skinner to stop investigating Mulder's apparent death, ..." - what is Kersh's motivation for stopping it?
• Who? - " When he leaves Kersh's office and walks down a hallway, rogue FBI agent Alex Krycek (Nicholas Lea) " - who is walking? Krycek? or Skinner?
• Wording: " him stumble over in pain. " -> "stumble in pain"
• Motivation? - "However, he says that he will only give it to Skinner if Scully does not give birth to her baby." - why?
• Wording: "Scully, however, gets a new lab report, ..." - "new" can probably be deleted.
• Better words: "After Scully reveals the truth to him, .." - "truth" could probably be better: we dont know what truth is. Maybe "After Scully tells Dogget about the genetic transformation ..." or similar.
• Wording: " Doggett later catches Skinner nearly removing Mulder's life support; .." - would it be more accurate as " Doggett later catches Skinner attempting to remove Mulder's life support; .."?
• Better word? - " but Doggett argues that they are unreasonable. " - Hmm. I haven't seen the show, but is there some more precise way to describe the argument that Dogget used, like: Krycek is bluffing, or it is unethical to kill Mulder, or that they could steal the vaccine from Krycek, or ???
• Detail? - "Krycek nearly runs him down with a car, smashing the vaccine on the ground as Doggett races to save it.." - Did Krycek throw the vaccine on the ground? or what?
• Define: "..t, Mulder will die or become a hybrid." - Was "hybrid" defined earlier in the article? if not: define now.
• Wording: "They laugh, to which Mulder asks, "Did anybody miss me?" and Scully responds with tears" - "to which" is not quite right. Maybe "They laugh, and Mulder asks Scully, "Did anybody miss me?" to which she responds with tears"

Production

• brackets: " burying the man […] just " - No need for brackets: should be "burying the man … just"
• The article needs a sentence or two or more about the contract dispute with Duchovny: Maybe best at the start of the PRoduction section. Explain the dispute; over money? Were the producers desperate to get D. back to the show? Did they settle the dispute when season 9 started? What was the details about the sentence "Due to Duchovny's contract, he was only available for shooting on certain days. " ... why was his access limited? That should be explained at the top of the Production section.
• Wording: "The majority of the episode—like the rest of seasons six, seven, eight and nine—was filmed .." - better is "The majority of the episode—like other episodes from seasons six, seven, eight and nine—was filmed .."
• Wording: "Spotnitz was able to secure the fishing trawler scene to be filmed off the coast of .." - " Spotnitz managed to secure sufficient funds to enable the fishing trawler scene to be filmed off the coast of .."
• Wording: "Make-up effects artist Matthew Mungle created the apparent decomposition .." - "Make-up effects artist Matthew Mungle was responsible for the effects that portrayed the decomposition of the bodies of Mulder and .."
• Initial capital in quotes: "he asked, "If we can figure .."" - generally avoid initial caps in quotes, See Wikipedia:MOSQUOTE#Typographic_conformity. Just use: "he asked, "if we can figure .."" -

Themes

• comma: "As The X-Files entered into its eighth season themes revolving .." - "As The X-Files entered into its eighth season, themes revolving "
• no brackets: "resurrection and salvation [...] disease," -> "resurrection and salvation ... disease,"
• when? - "with other episodes the season," -> "with other episodes of the eigth the season,"
• Duplicate sentences: paragraph starts with 2 very similar sentences: "As The X-Files entered into its eighth season themes revolving around "human resurrection and salvation [...] disease, suffering, and healing" became focuses for the show.[35] "Deadalive", along with other episodes the season, explored the themes of death and resurrection. " - Consider merging those into 1 sentence. I don't think there is any need for that quote .. just paraphrase the sources.
• Unneeded word: " This sub-theme would continue well into the" -> " This sub-theme would continue into the"

Reception

• Wording: " first released as single episode on an eponymous DVD ..." - many readers wont know what eponymous means; also, it is not clear if the DVD is named the same as the episode or the show? Use plainer language
• Link: " preceding episode, "This is Not Happening", ... - go ahead and link to that episode's article; this is a good exception to overlinking rules.
• Ellipses: " the stage for [...] the countdown to" -> " the stage for ... the countdown to"

Other

• Cites: "^ Fraga (2010), passim " - Passim is generally discouraged. Better is to find a few specific pages (pp 5, 12, 33) or just name the entire page range (pp 1-92)
• Cites look good and uniform. FAC reviewers are very picky about cite formatting, so you may want to double check the uniformity ... but they look good to me so far.

Summary

• Overall, it looks like a great article ... definitely beyond GA status. After implementing the above fixes, you can take it to WP:FAC, although the reviewers there can be very strict, so if you want to be sure it passes, you might want to consider an additional Peer Review by yet another reviewer before you go to FAC. Good luck!

End Noleander comments. --Noleander (talk) 20:52, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

Thank you very much for this prompt and in-depth review. This recently underwent another one a couple days ago, as well as two copyedits (one by myself, and another by a Guild member). I feel very confident in this article now. Once again, thank you!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 22:27, 10 February 2013 (UTC)