Wikipedia:Peer review/Days Gone Bye/archive1

Days Gone Bye

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to nominate this article for GA soon. I would like some feedback on the article so I can possibly make some improvements.

Thanks in advanced, DAP388 (talk) 03:02, 3 August 2011

Taking up the review (will be done in steps) Crisco 1492 (talk) 06:00, 14 August 2011 (UTC)

Lead

• "Days Gone Bye" was well received by television critics, whom' expressed that the episode felt cinematic - Should probably be "... who expressed" as it is followed by a predicate.
• "Several critics noted comparisons to the episode with those of Lost." - Did they write about comparisons others had made, or did they compare it to Lost?
• "The episode garnered a 2.7 rating in the 18–49 demographic, translating to 3.6 million viewers according to the Nielsen ratings" - how about "The episode garnered a Nielsen rating of 2.7 in the 18–49 demographic, translating to 3.6 million viewers."

Plot

• "... they are faced with two armed suspects. Grimes, unaware that there is a third suspect, is shot in the chest." - This doesn't read well, perhaps rephrasing?
• "He is severely wounded and is in a coma." - How about "He is severely wounded and falls into a coma."
• "He investigates the building and shortly leaves the scene. Grimes returns to his home, only to find the door being open." - How about "He investigates the building and shortly thereafter leaves the scene. Grimes returns to his home, only to find the door hanging open."
• "His wife and child are no where to be seen. As he frantically searches for any signs of his family, and young boy and his father approach the scene. Grimes is suddenly assaulted with a shovel, and he loses consciousness in the process." - What about the zombie that he tries calling? That's rather important.
• "... puts him out of his misery" - Is there an NPOV way of saying this?
• "... "sorry this happened to you". - Should be "... "sorry this happened to [her]"
• "... grisly discovery ..." - Grisly seems to be POV
• "... but walkers grab at him from both ends." - Why should the reader know what walkers are? Hasn't been explained yet.
• Style note: Some of these simple sentences could be made compound.

Conception

• "At the 2010 Comic-Con International in San Diego, California, Darabont himself had been a fan of the zombie genre since seeing George A. Romero's 1968 film Night of the Living Dead when he was fourteen-years-old." - Should be something like "At the 2010 Comic-Con International in San Diego, California, Darabont said that he had been a fan of the zombie genre since seeing George A. Romero's 1968 film Night of the Living Dead when he was fourteen-years-old.
• "Darabont recalls walking into a comic book store in Burbank, California and seeing The Walking Dead on the shelf in 2005." - This doesn't read well to me, but I can't think of a fix.

Writing

• "Jack LoGiudice also joined the writing team, along with Robert Kirkman, also an executive producer." - Executive producer of the episode? Part of the series? An unrelated series?
• Rather heavy on details not related to this episode.

Filming

• "David Tattersall was the director of photography for the pilot episode with David Boyd as the director of photography on the remainder of the episodes." - David Boyd's bit may not be pertinent to this episode.

Marketing

• "In the documentary, comic series creator and show executive producer Robert Kirkman as well as artist Charlie Adlard say they are pleased with how faithful the show is to the comic and remark on the similarities between the actors and the comic's original character drawings" - Should be "... say that they ..."

Ratings

• "Upon airing, the epimsode was viewed by over 5.35 million viewers, making it the highest rated series premiere in the network's history" - "Upon airing" seems unnecessary.
• "The terrestrial premiere (including Ireland and Scotland) aired on Channel 5 on April 10, 2011, garnering 1.5 million viewers in the process." - "... in the process" should be cut.

Overall

• Make sure somebody from the Guild of Copy Editors takes a look. I've seen missing spaces, commas, tense agreement, and misspellings.
• Don't overlink. Don't wikilink common terms.
• Seems to be an over-reliance on quotes. Could you trim them a bit?
• There is a dead link. Could it be fixed?

Looks pretty good, but it needs some work as outlined above. Perhaps, if you have the time, you could help review another article; it may help you look at this one more critically as well. Crisco 1492 (talk) 06:39, 14 August 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the tips! Sorry it took so long for me to reply. I have school right now. DAP388 (talk) 02:25, 27 August 2011 (UTC)