Wikipedia:Peer review/Davenport, Iowa/archive2

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Davenport, Iowa[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…after 2 failed WP:FACs, I'm ready to get it to FA status, and need to know what the article needs to get it to FA.

Thanks, CTJF83 chat 16:48, 20 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Jappalang

Lede

  • "Davenport is the county seat of and largest city in Scott County and the Quad Cities. [...] Davenport is one of the Quad Cities, along with neighboring Bettendorf and the Illinois cities of Moline, East Moline, and Rock Island. The Quad Cities has [...] Davenport was founded on May 14, 1836, and was named after Colonel George Davenport, a friend of founder Antoine LeClaire."
    Bad organization; why mention Quad Cities only to define it later? Drop the first mention of Quad Cities. Why is Davenport's naming and founding dumped at the end? I think a reordering of information in the lede is warranted.
  • "... Palmer College of Chiropractic, which is the birthplace of chiropractic and wellness techniques."
    That is a very, very big claim to make. Are you saying that "chiropractic and wellness techniques" never existed until the formation of this college?
  • "In 2007, Davenport, along with neighboring Rock Island, won the City Livability Award."
    Since this award does not have its own article or such (notable?), extra clarification about its nature might be warranted.

History

  • "In 1803, Davenport was part of the Louisiana Purchase from France. Lieutenant Zebulon Pike was the first official United States representative to explore the Upper Mississippi River. On August 27, 1805, Pike's records indicate that he camped on present day site of Davenport."
    Purchase by who? How does Lieutenant Pike's exploit tie in to this purchase? Why not "In 1803, the United States acquired parcels of North American land from France under the Louisiana Purchase agreement. Lieutenant Zebulon Pike was the first official United States representative to explore the Upper Mississippi River, which runs through the newly acquired land. On August 27, 1805, Pike camped at what would become the city of Davenport."
  • "Keokuk stipulated that Antoine build their home on the exact spot where the treaty was signed or forfeit the land."
    Whose home? Keokuk's or Antoine's or the two of them?
  • The paragraph of Davenport's exploits to become county seat can be summarised and reorganised. It would be best to talk about Scott County first, then introduce the hows and whys of Davenport's victory. Avoid anthromorphism like "Davenport and rival neighbor Rockingham both campaigned". Why was Davenport not the county seat at the second election even though it won?
  • "... on May 6, 1856, just weeks after it was completed, a steamboat captain deliberately crashed the Effie Afton into the bridge."
    The steamboat (or its captain) was completed a few weeks before May 6, 1856? How does this tie in to Davenport's history (it seems to be a trivial event that did not impact its economy or development)?
  • Should the Iowa Soldiers' Orphans' Home not be in the Landmarks section instead? It feels out of place in the city's history.
    • Well it flows from the previous sentence saying Davenport was Iowa's first civil war camp, it goes on to talk about the orphanage housing civil war orphans. CTJF83 chat 04:45, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • I disagree. The entire city of Davenport is not an orphanage, and I believe the city was not solely known for hosting an orphanage. The History section should mainly tell how the city as a whole was founded and developed. Jappalang (talk) 16:50, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Architectural journals poked fun at city leaders due to the small amount budgeted for the project. The 1920s brought an economic and building boom."
    The first sentence is not reflected in http://qconline.com/progress99/1pgdport.shtml. Furthermore, there seems to me a disconnect between the two sentences.
  • ... as many citizens went to work for the Works Progress Administration and then Davenport experienced a boom ..."
    "Then" is redundant.
  • Since the last paragraph (and later sections) brought up mention of the Quad Cities, when was it formed and how did Davenport get named as one of them?

Geography

  • Davenport is located at 41°32′35″N 90°35′27″W / 41.54306°N 90.59083°W / 41.54306; -90.59083 (41.542982, −90.590745).
    The entire city is located at that geographical co-ordinate?
    What should I put? FA Ann Arbor and Minneapolis only have one coordinate listed. CTJF83 chat 04:58, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    So why do the other FAs have it? Their reason may not be sound at all or only applicable to their subjects. How big an area does that co-ordinate represent? Is it accurate to say it encompasses the entire city or does it represent the city and some other areas? Precision comes into play here. Jappalang (talk) 16:50, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The content of this section (first three paragraphs) should be reorganised/rewritten. There is overlapping and scattering of information on the Mississippi River and waters.

Climate

  • "... humid continental climate (Dfa) ..."
    Is Dfa an abbreviation? If yes, then why is it not used anywhere later? Unused abbreviations should not be written in the first place.
    It's so if you look at File:Koppen World Map.png you know where humid continental is. CTJF83 chat 06:18, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    Where does it tell us in the article to go look at that image? Is it important to look at that image? Where does that image state that Dfa is "humid continental climate"? This would only confuse the readers. Jappalang (talk) 16:50, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Davenport is in the humid continental climate (Dfa) on the Köppen climate classification."
    Would it not be better to say "Under the Köppen climate classification, Davenport is considered to have a humid continental climate."?
  • "... as a result of mid-latitude storm tracks."
    What are storm tracks?
  • "While situated squarely in the path of Tornado Alley and the potential certainly exists for one, no devastating tornado ..."
    No devastating tornado is situated squarely in the path of Tornado Alley? Potential for what?
  • "The reason for a lack of tornadoes may be due to the fact that the Mississippi River and Rock River merge together close to the city."
    I believe "due to" is wrongly used here... Regardless, how does the merging of the two rivers inhibit the formation of tornadoes?

Neighborhoods

  • "Davenport has a variety of neighborhoods dating back to the 1840s."
    I believe most cities have "a variety of neighborhoods"; it is not perculiar to Davenport. Why not simply "Several neighborhoods in Davenport date back to the 1840s."
  • "Lindsay Park, in The Village of East Davenport, was used as parade grounds for Civil War soldiers from Camp McClellan."
    Unsourced.
  • "Development of the Vander Veer Park was the first major beautification effort outside two small spaces in downtown."
    What were the "two small spaces"?
  • "Today the eastern side of Davenport still contains many of the higher class houses in the city."
    Would this statement be applicable tommorrow, two months later, a year later, two years later?
    Not sure how to respond....in a year or two, all the houses could be gone, or they could build far more higher class housing on the west side. CTJF83 chat 06:18, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    Therefore, avoid all "today", "now", and "currently" unless the information is unlikely to change for many, many years (usually applicable to geological features and overall city, not individual buildings, locations). Think of a way to rephrase the sentence in a precise manner. Jappalang (talk) 16:50, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Crime

  • "Murders are down 42.9% from 2000 to four murders in 2006."
    It is not mathetically precise to compare percentages to absolute figures.
  • This section also seems to be based on recent figures. What is the history of crime in the city?

(Note: by this time, I am a bit tired, so apologies if the following are rather skimpy.)

Economy

  • Last sentences are unsourced.
    • You want me to source other business in the area?? CTJF83 chat 06:18, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • Generally, the culture of verifiability taken to extremes requests that at least one citation for all information in a paragraph. Items like the date of opening for buildings, figures of attendances, and such can be contentious. Jappalang (talk) 16:50, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Culture

  • Several sentences are unsourced.
    • Same as above, do you want me to source landmarks? CTJF83 chat 06:18, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Sports and recreation

  • Several sentences are unsourced.
    • Sorry, I need more specifics as to what needs to be sourced. CTJF83 chat 06:18, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Media

  • Several sentences are unsourced.
  • What importance to Davenport's media was the hiring of Ronald Reagan?

Government

  • Several sentences are unsourced.
  • "Davenport uses a mayor-council form of local government, which consists of a mayor (currently in 2010 Bill Gluba) and a ten-person council."
    Anthromorphism: I believe it is more correct to say "has" than "uses".
  • "City Council" or "city council"? I believe it is the latter.
  • "... to expand the city boarder,"

Huh?

  • "... a more business like government ..."
    I believe it is "business-like" and what does that mean when applied to this government (organization, attitude, performance)?

Education

  • Last sentences are unsourced.

Transportation

  • Several sentences are unsourced.
  • "Evey year ..."?

Notable natives

  • "she is the creator of decorative concrete figurines that bear her name."
    Unsourced.
  • This section is prime target for trivia. At the moment, I feel it (as a simple list) adds nothing to the context of Davenport the city.

General

  • I spotted a few "... with <noun> being ..." constructs. Please read User:Tony1/Noun plus -ing on why such a structure is discouraged and how it can be improved.
  • When was this article assessed as A-class? It is not reflected in ArticleHistory.

Images

  • File:Davenport Flag.gif, File:Davenport Seal.png: How do uses of these images comply with NFCC, especially since Davenport the city is illustrated with the identifiable skyline? There are no critical commentary whatsoever in the text about these symbols either.

I think that the article could improve by some slight restructuring to certain parts of the content. I felt it was becoming somewhat droll in the middle. Prose could still be improved (copy-edit). Jappalang (talk) 06:06, 28 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

WOW!! Thanks for your through review, I greatly appreciate it...sounds like I have a LOT of work to do! Thanks again, CTJF83 chat 16:58, 28 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, got most of it done, just need some clarification above. CTJF83 chat 06:18, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The last two images both have their corresponding licenses from Wikipedia, now on Commons. Killiondude (talk) 06:26, 29 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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