Wikipedia:Peer review/Chiprovtsi/archive1
Chiprovtsi
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm aiming for FA status. My main concerns are grammar and prose quality because try as I might I'm not a native speaker and the article has not been proofread by anyone but me. Don't hesitate to bring up any issues with comprehensiveness, formatting or referencing either. Please note that the place in question, despite its rich history, has 2,000 inhabitants and as such it is impossible to use only English-language sources, as the best studies are published in Bulgarian and are unlikely to ever be translated. The goal with this article is to have the best English-language source on the topic, after all :)
Thanks, Todor→Bozhinov 16:46, 19 September 2008 (UTC)
Comments from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs): As requested, I'll provide a prose review; occasionally I might put in other things.
Whenever estimating the number of people in a certain group/category, it is better to use about instead of around."The apogee of this upsurge was the anti-Ottoman Chiprovtsi Uprising of 1688, after the suppression of which the town's entire population either fled to Habsburg-ruled lands or was killed or enslaved by the Ottomans." Don't understand."as it was reported by various foreign travellers in the 19th century and as it remains to this day." Vague. What did the travellers report?"Today, Chiprovtsi experiences a declining population and an above-average unemployment.""Positive signs are large-scale investment in the extraction of the local fluorite deposits and the development of alternative tourism." Smooth this out: "However, large-scale investment in the extraction of the local fluorite deposits and the development of alternative tourism help to sustain the economy." Or some variation of that."According to Iv. Duridanov," Who is this person?"with the current form gradually emerging by means of a sound shift and a syncope." Make this a second sentence. "The current form evolved through a sound shift and a syncope." Also, disambiguate sound shift and syncope."also encountered in Serbian." Unclear.Wikilink toponym."The name was first mentioned in a western source in a Latin document" Repetition of "in"."Similar forms such as Chipurovatz, Chiprouvatz, Chiprovotzii, Chiprovtzi, Kiprovazo, Chiprovatzium, Kiprovetz and Kiprovtzi have been used throughout the 16th–17th century." Shouldn't it be centuries?"The town has been traditionally and conventionally divided into several neighbourhoods" "traditionally" and "conventionally" are the same.", most named according to the profession and social status of their residents." Change the comma to a semicolon and insert "are" after "most".I suggest using the {{convert}} template in the Geography section."It is 35 kilometres long and features several relatively high peaks" "relatively high"—compared to what?"The Ogosta River, a right tributary of the Danube, takes its source from the Chiprovtsi Mountain and flows northeast through the Danubian Plain to join the Danube in Vratsa Province." "takes its source"-->originates."Not far northeast of the town is another mountain, Shiroka Planina, a branch of the Fore-Balkan Mountains." "Not far"-->Just."In terms of geological resources, the region is rich in metal and mineral deposits." Redundant."...Serbia, with the nearest Serbian municipality being Surdulica."-->"Serbia; the nearest Serbian municipality is Surdulica.""A total of 38 rivers and rivulets flow across the municipality, of which the more important are the Ogosta and the Prevalska. There exist a water reservoir near Martinovo and a hydroelectric plant at Zhelezna, but no mineral springs are present in the region. Chiprovtsi municipality is home to 1,250 different species of plants, including a large number of herbs and deciduous trees, some of which 150–300 years old." This paragraph needs more references and a rewrite for grammar."As of 31 July 2005, Chiprovtsi municipality's population numbered 4,810, with 2,375 people in the town itself, of whom 1,167 men and 1,208 women." Rewrite it like this: "On 31 July 2005, Chiprovtsi municipality's population was 4,810; 2,375 people were from the town itself—1,167 men and 1,208 women.""According to 2005 data, the largest village in the municipality is Prevala with a population of 585,; the smallest being is Ravna with a population of 68.""The ethnic composition of the municipality is very homogeneous,; with 4,722 people or 99.21% identifying themselves as Bulgarians and 38 people or 0.79% as Roma."The demographics section is filled with sentences that have the awkward with + -ing structure.
I'll have more comments later. Dabomb87 (talk) 17:17, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review, that's exactly what this article needs! :) I've addressed most of your concerns and I've introduced the suggested changes. I decided not to use {{convert}} on one occasion as it doesn't support millimetres per square kilometre (precipitation) and "X millimetres (Y inches) per square kilometre" wouldn't make much sense really; on all other occasions, I've used the template. I've reworded the section about waters, flora and fauna, let me know if it's good enough. I do believe that the footnote is enough as a reference, as it is exactly where every single fact in the paragraph comes from. Another source would be extremely hard to find and not really useful: this is an official municipal report after all :) Thanks again, looking forward to other suggestions! Todor→Bozhinov 19:04, 20 September 2008 (UTC)
- "Of the 38 rivers and rivulets that flow across the municipality, the most important are the Ogosta and the Prevalska." I rewrote the paragraph, but could you provide info on why these rivers are so important?
"According to V. Velkov"—Once again, who is this person? (historian?)Em dashes should be unspaced.Date linking is now discouraged by the MOS.According to ancient accounts, the area was populated by the Triballi or a related subgroup of Thracians." Is this sentence saying that the Triballi a related subgroup, or is it talking about two different subgroups?"There are a number of remains of Roman fortifications around Chiprovtsi" Vague.The gold, silver, lead, copper and iron mines brought sizable revenue to the Romans who took good care to protect them from barbarian attacks." Comma after "Romans". Who is "them"?"Some researchers estimate set their arrival in Chiprovtsi to be in the mid-14th century,"They were probably recruited by means of special contracts and very likely received some privileges compared to the natives." "by means of"-->through. What does "compared to the natives" mean in this context?"Roman Catholicism as the dominant confession in the town." "confession"-->religion."they highly estimated the value of the Chiprovtsi mines"-->they valued the Chiprovtsi mines."15th century,[21] as a note of 1479 mentions that the mines "in Bosnia, Herzegovina and other places" had been rented." Perhaps turn the comma into a semicolon or em dash?"The town of Chiprovtsi and several of the surrounding villages were administratively organized as a has, or a private possession of the sultan's royal family and later of the sultan's mother specifically.""Later on, the estate was organized as a waqf, or a property the revenue of which went for Islamic religious purposes." I think some words got switched around.
More comments later. Dabomb87 (talk) 14:46, 21 September 2008 (UTC)
"some have gone as far as to deem the town's prosperity the Balkans' only participation in the Renaissance, along with that of Dalmatia"—"gone as far" is POV."Gradually, the foreign Franciscans were substituted by locals"—"substituted"-->replaced."The town and the surrounding areas were not entirely Catholic: a significant part of the population was Orthodox, and the Orthodox Chiprovtsi Monastery still exists todayto this day." Change the comma to a semicolon."Since 1659, the Ragusan merchants from Provadiya even altered their traditional route to Dubrovnik through Sofia in order to visit Chiprovtsi." Even is POV."A Catholic monastery was built during the time of Peter Solinat and developed as an educational centre through its school, referred to as one of the most prestigious schools in the Bulgarian lands in that period." Add it was before "referred" and change the comma to a semicolon."75-80 students" Use en dash instead of hyphen."Petar Parchevich told of the long preparations for an armed struggle"—"told of the"-->described."There is a Municipal Land Commission, part of the Ministry of Agriculture and Forestry, and a Municipal Social Service." Perhaps provide brief descriptions of what they do."The town has a primary school (grades 1–4) and a high school (grades 4–12), both claiming to be successors of the school founded in 1624."-->The town has a primary school (grades 1–4) and a high school (grades 4–12); both claim to be successors of the school founded in 1624."Although the carpet industry remains dominant in the town"—This is the main industry of the municipality; elaborate more."of whom 254 were foreigners"."In September 2008, it was reported that one of the few fluorite deposits in Europe located near Chiprovtsi would be exploited by a Bulgarian company that had leased the mine for 20 years." Needs a better, more neutral word than "exploit".Numbers under 10 should be spelled out, per MOS.Dabomb87 (talk) 02:02, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
- Thanks a bunch for the review, without your assistance I wouldn't have been able to fix those stylistic and grammatical issues. What is your overall opinion on the article? Todor→Bozhinov 13:45, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
- I think that the article looks good overall; perhaps consult someone from WikiProject Bulgaria to assess the comprehensiveness and layout of the article. I also recommend asking someone from WP:PRV to give the article a final copy-edit before submitting to FAC. Great job! Dabomb87 (talk) 22:10, 26 September 2008 (UTC)