Wikipedia:Peer review/Cheadle Hulme/archive1

Cheadle Hulme

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for February 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I wish to get some feedback on how the article is coming along. I wish to push this article to Good article, and possibly featured following that. Any hints or tips would be very welcome.

Thanks, Majorly talk 04:28, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

• Comments.
  • The list of Notable people should be converted to prose before taking this article to GAN.
  • The prose needs attention in places, such as "The earliest evidence of civilisation to occupy the area is of the Romans ...". Doesn't really make sense.
  • "... developed from several hamlets which still retain their names in places today." I take this to mean that some hamlets have retained their names, but others haven't? Rather than some hamlets have retained their names, but only in places? I'm confused.
  • Images shouldn't be squeezed between left- and right-aligned images.
  • I think there may be too much detail in some places, for example the list of pubs and bus routes.
  • Shouldn't mix the {{cite}} and {{citation}} templates, as it causes inconsistent formatting. Some citations have ISO last accessed dates, others normal English style dates, some have "retrieved on", others have "Retrieved on".

--Malleus Fatuorum 16:32, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

I think the last point is a result of different people adding references. I'll make them all consistent. Majorly talk 17:09, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

• Comment
  • There are problems with the prose throughout - let me spend an hour or so addressing these, I'll place a tag on the article for a bit. Parrot of Doom (talk) 18:54, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
  • Congratuations on your work, and please read this as criticism of the article (not you). I've gone through the article as far as the end of the Economy section. Have a look at the changes I've made and if you agree apply similar changes to the rest of the article.
    • I've placed several requests for further information - clarify tags. For instance, who confiscated John Paulet's estate, and why? Just writing that he was Catholic may not be enough.
    • There are quite a few paragraphs lacking citations.
    • "Following this, the estate was acquired by the Moseley family and became known as Cheadle Moseley." - this is information which is repeated in History, and also in Governance. Consider removing any repetition, and also moving "Until the 20th century" into Governance
    • "It was in Stockport poor law union" - when?
    • Geography - this needs expanding, what kind of geology does the area contain, etc.
    • Consider integrating the religious information in Demography, into the 'compared' table. An example may be found here
    • Consider moving the first paragraph of the Economy section into History
    • Consider moving any information about public services (fire station, police) to their own 'Public services' section.
    • The Transport section contains lots of information about streets, however this does not necessarily relate to transportation. Did Cheadle Hulme have any Turnpike Trusts in the area? Were there any stagecoaches, or Omnibuses? Electric Trams? Apologies if this sounds like a lot, but its what I like to read in Transport - others will probably disagree. What about environmental noise from the airport, or the smaller airfield at Woodford?
    • Education - did any local churches run Sunday Schools?
    • Notable people - lists tend to be frowned upon, change to prose.
    • Consider using this image rather than the current railway station image, which is (no offence) very poor.
      • Don't worry, it's not my picture :) Majorly talk 20:32, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Some of this may be overkill for GAC but believe me if you eventually want to go for FAC making these changes will make your life much easier.

This is really great, thanks. I'll see if I can fix these issues ASAP. Majorly talk 20:32, 21 February 2009 (UTC)