Wikipedia:Peer review/Battle of Adwa/archive1

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Battle of Adwa[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has many of the qualities of a GA or FA. However, I would like independent review, especially on the POV. I would like a final review before submission as Good Article.

Thanks, አቤል ዳዊት (talk) 16:14, 17 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. Just some copyediting notes ... all of these will be useful for A-class, and some of these will be useful for WP:GAN as well:

  • "usually known as Adowa": If it's usually known that way, shouldn't the article be titled "Battle_of_Adowa"?
 Resolvedchanged to "also known as" - both versions are commonly used. After a discussion consensus was reached to use "Adwa."
  • Per WP:LEAD, the lead should be a summary of the main points of the article; the two short sentences don't do that.
 Doing... we will work on this
  • "among the various European powers": among European powers
 Done your right, sounds better
  • "recently-obtained": recently obtained, per WP:HYPHEN
  • "located near Ethiopia": near Ethiopia
  • "Somali-land": I haven't seen the old name with a hyphen before, and it's not hyphenated in the linked article.
  • "Italian language version": Italian-language version
 Done All above
  • "consented (i.e. was required) to Italy representing Ethiopia": allowed Italy to represent Ethiopia
    •  Resolved I found a stronger wording in the Treaty of Wuchale - What do you think? Changes linked below
  • "The Amharic version": link Amharic
  • "if he wished (optional).": if he wished.
 Done All above
  • "As a result, Italy and Ethiopia faced off in what was later to be known as the First Italo-Ethiopian War.": What specific action led to the war, if that's known?
 Checking... There is further detail in the First Italo–Ethiopian War article. Though it might be outside the scope of this article. More detail than necessary for an intro of a specific battle. I will bring to discussion.
Changes አቤል ዳዊት (talk) 19:55, 19 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments: G'day, interesting article. I have the following suggestions:

  • the lead probably needs to be expanded before taking it to GA or FA;
 Doing...
  • some paragraphs appear to be uncited, particularly the first three paragraphs of the Background section. For GA or FA, at a bare minimum, each paragraph should be covered by at least one citation at the end of the paragraph (more may be required if each sentence uses a different source);
 Doing...
  • in the Citations section, I suggest adding publisher, author and accessdate information for the web citations (if such information exists);
  • in the References, is there an ISBN for the Webb source? I looked on worldcat.org but couldn't find this book. I found a 2011 book called "The Battle of Adwa: African Victory in the Age of Empire" by Raymond Jonas, but not a 2011 book by Webb. Can we be sure that the author is correct here?
 Resolved
  • the full bibliographic details for the work by Prouty don't appear to be in the References section, although there is a citation to them;
 Doing...
 Doing...
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