Wikipedia:Peer review/Arad, Israel/archive1

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Arad, Israel[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I have been away from this article for a while and would like to tweak it some more to improve its quality to at least A-class, and maybe FA if I can. I'm looking for any kind of comments and criticisms, but especially the following:

  1. How the article looks on large wide-screen monitors (a screenshot would help) - this was a GA problem and I assured the reviewer that it looked fine on 1024x768, but for FA that is not quite acceptable.
  2. Images vs. text - I have included many images, but am sure that some can be removed, while others can be added (I've compiled a possible list on the article's talk page). Which images do you think need to go into the article? Secondly, small galleries (up to 4 images) are unavoidable for the current quantity, although I know that FA reviewers frown upon galleries (unfortunate IMO, as they only add to the article, but I accept their view) - so, how can I go about improving the formatting while retaining the most important images?
  3. General tips for improvement vis-a-vis the A-class and FA criteria.

Thanks, Ynhockey (Talk) 13:30, 8 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)
  • "last-established " don't see the need to hyphenate this.
  • "... was one of the most popular music events in the country until 1995, although it has still been held annually since..." this doesn't make much sense to me. Odd wording.
  • "(see Biblical archaeology regarding famous ostraca found here)" - yuck - write something about it, don't just say "see...".
  • "The first modern attempt " - any ancient attempts?
  • Nefta doesn't link to what you want it to.
  • "a perfect square " is this tautalogical? What's an imperfect square?
  • "is a state flag (), " what does the icon mean? Confusing to non-experts.
  • "93,140 dunams[2] (~93.1 km²), " move ref 2 to other side of comma.
  • "metres " is British English, the rest of the article appears to be in US English.
  • And I would suggest US English would start with Farenheit and the convert to Celsius.
  • 1991/92 -> 1991–92.
  • Link NIS.
  • has peaked in 2002 at 24,500[21] - full stop missing. And why "has peaked", not just "peaked"?
  • " (552 m) " conversion required.
  • Explain UCI.
  • "The station has 6 ambulances.[citation needed]" fix the cite needed and 6->six.
  • Don't use in-line links such as you have for the WUJS Institute and Professor Ervin Y. Kedar.
  • "include 7 platforms " seven.
  • Include {{cite web}} for references, and fill the fields in correctly, e.g. accessdate, date, publisher etc.

The Rambling Man (talk) 09:01, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Some comments from Dweller
  • "modern city" - POV
  • Lead should probably be three parags, if not four, for article of this length, per WP:LEAD
  • "last-established" makes no sense. Unhyphenate and make it "last ... to be established" and it'll mean it was the last of them to be established, which is what you mean, I think
  • "As the second-largest city in Israel in terms of jurisdiction" do you mean area? If so, specify. Why not include the size, too.
  • "It is also well-known for its annual music festival, which was one of the most popular music events in the country until 1995, although it has still been held annually since." last clause is incomprehensible without reading the article. No need for mystery - explain in a few words.
  • Errors in English throughout - needs a copyedit
  • For FAC you'll (sadly) need to reduce the number of redlinks. Either unlink or create some stubs.
  • Notable residents won't pass FAC because of concerns over POV/comprehensiveness. Who says they're notable? Who says others are not?
  • References will need to be properly formatted per WP:CITE to pass FAC
  • Why include links to art galleries in EL? Ditch them. The maps don't need their own section either. The Aradnik reference in the link is meaningless. The school shouldn't be included.
  • The infobox at the foot of the article is titled "South District". South District of what?

Good luck --Dweller (talk) 09:21, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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