Wikipedia:Peer review/Alan Kulwicki/archive1

Alan Kulwicki

I've listed this article for peer review because I wish to improve this article until it meetsFeatured Article criteria. I have improved the article to where I believe that it meets at least Good Article criteria (without listing it for review yet).

Thanks,

Royalbroil 20:38, 3 October 2007 (UTC)

• Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 03:29, 5 October 2007 (UTC)

AlexJ's Comments

• I'll give it a full going through later when I get the chance, but my initial thoughts were "Alan Kulwicki's a trophy?!" I know you'll have tried really hard to get a freely licenced picture but the article really needs a photo of some kind. Because he's dead, and seemingly no free photo exists you'd probably be able to claim fair use on a publicity photo of him (e.g. The Ford publicity shot on this webpage [1]. AlexJ 18:30, 5 October 2007 (UTC)

I don't want to use a fair use image - I'd rather use none. I'll move the trophy since it could be taken wrong. Royalbroil 18:36, 5 October 2007 (UTC)

• Right, the full PR:

Firstly, the coverage of the article seems pretty good. One of my main concerns is about the citations. Citing is all about getting the balance right between verifiability and readability. The article is leaning too far towards the former IMO at present.

There's a tendency to overcite throughout the article. Where a fact is uncontroversial, just use one citation (whichever you consider to be the most reliable). For material which is likely to be challenged, two is the maximum needed. "With one car, two engines, and two full-time crew members, he won Winston Cup Rookie of the Year award.[14] [11] [9] [13] [33]" is overkill. Done

He had competed in 23 of 29 events.[32] He had four Top 10 finishes, three Did Not Finishes (DNF), and an average finish of 15.4.[32] He finished below 30th place once.[32] Done

Here we have the same citation being used at the end of each sentence. As they are simple facts, with no quotes etc. one citation at the end of the paragraph would do the same job. Otherwise the article can start to take the form of Fact-Citation-Fact-Citation-Fact-Citation which can become quite boring to read.

Some more examples:

His father, Gerald, was an engine builder[9] for USAC cars.[10]

Ref [10] states "His father, Gerry, was too busy building engines for United States Auto Club stock-car racers to offer much help." I'd suggest this also covers the first half of the sentence and therefore the midsetence cite [9] can be removed. Done

Alan graduated from Pius XI High School, a private Roman Catholic high school in Milwaukee.[10] After graduating high school, he went to college and received a Bachelor of Science degree in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee in 1977,[11][9] which helped him better understand the physics of a race car.[10]

Ref [9] - "Kulwicki was one of the first drivers to complete college, graduating from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee in 1977, with a degree in Mechanical Engineering."

Ref [10] - "Simultaneously, Kulwicki attended the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, from which he earned a degree in mechanical engineering that helped him understand the physics of a racing car."

[9] and [10] cover the entire paragraph so I'd take out [11] and move [9] to the end of the paragraph to avoid an unnecessary mid-sentence cite. Done

Heading wise, I'd be tempted to combine the 4 pre-Winston Cup headings into one heading as they seem a tad bitty at the moment. I'm not sure if there's any scope for exapansion - is it known if Kulwicki had any success at karting for example? Done I'd also take out the Race team... sub-heading under the Death section. Done

I'm not sure whether you've considered having a complete Winston Cup results table like the one on Juan Pablo Montoya's article. Done (replied)

In the local dirt racing section there is "He started racing late models in 1974 at Hales Corners.[16]" A bit more explanation of what late models are could be useful for the unfamiliar reader. Done

In the 1980's section far too many sentences begin with "He" and the whole section just doesn't flow well. This may in part be down to the over-citing mentioned earlier. Vary things up a bit and don't allow the article to become too constrained by the cites.  Done

I hope that that can be of some help to improving the article - in general the scope is good but there's room for improvement in the way it's written. Of course, feel free to query anything I have (or haven't) brought up. AlexJ 21:31, 5 October 2007 (UTC)

• Thanks for the review. It is very helpful and appreciated. I will address all of these issues. I recently improved a different article to Good Article criteria, and I had to cite things that I didn't think needed citing. I overcompensated, marking everything that I encountered. I'll back off quite a bit. Overuse of "He" is also a problem for me to work on. As for the headings, I asked someone else to review the article, and they put them in. I think they should stay as is. I ask anyone else who reviews this article to comment with their thoughts. About karting: I took pictures in Kulwicki's trophy room. I took a picture of a karting trophy that said that he finished second in the season points. Is that enough to include "He finished second in the season points"? About full Winston Cup results: at WikiProject NASCAR we have discussed adding a full career results table, and could not reach consensus. NASCAR seasons are around 30 to 35 races long, and the table gets very cumbersome and wide. I don't like these tables for NASCAR (they work well for most other racing series). I thought a short bulleted list would be enough. I could make a 2 column table, or remove the list. I may or may not get these items done before I leave in 24 hours for a 3 day vacation. Royalbroil 13:28, 6 October 2007 (UTC)

Oh, one more thing (and this is more a general WP:NASCAR point) - the infobox gives Kulwicki's "Nextel Cup statistics". Of course, it was the Winston Cup back when AK was racing, so the article gives no mention of this Nextel Cup thing. It would be fairly trivial to add a switch to Infobox NASCAR Driver to allow the title of the stats section to be set to the correct title for the era of the driver. AlexJ 17:35, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

Good point. Would you bring up this topic at WP:NASCAR? There have been 4 different names for the series, and the fifth name "Sprint Cup" will happen in 2008. Many drivers have driven in the series under at least two names. Royalbroil 18:05, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

4u1e's comments

NASCAR articles being reviewed by European race fans...oh dear! ;-) Here're my comments, in no particular order:

• Lead: "He arrived at the NASCAR scene" Should that be "He arrived on..."? Is "NASCAR scene" suitably formal for encyclopedic format? I assume you're implying that he didn't go into the Winston Cup immediately, but started in one of the lower divisions: "first entered the NASCAR XXXX minor league" or similar?  Done Reworded. He raced only a few races in any lower division, basically he started in the highest division.
• Over use of 'he' and 'his' - what Alex said. Vary 'he' more often with 'Kulwicki' and other terms. Look for related sentences that can be joined to make longer ones, occasionally. For example, the lead could become:

"Alan Dennis Kulwicki (December 14, 1954 - April 1, 1993) was an American NASCAR Winston Cup racecar driver. He arrived on the NASCAR scene in 1985 with a borrowed pickup truck, a racecar, no sponsor, and limited budget. Despite this, he Kulwicki was a perfectionist, and liked doing things his way: his scientific methodology approach to NASCAR racing inspired the way teams are currently run. He Kulwicki was the 1986 NASCAR Rookie of the Year, and won the 1992 Winston Cup by the closest margin in NASCAR history. In 1998, five years after his death in a light aircraft accident, he was named one of NASCAR's 50 Greatest Drivers and was inducted into the International Motorsports Hall of Fame in 2002. He was nicknamed "Special K" and the "Polish Prince"  Done

I've moved one sentence up a bit and linked it to the preceding one with a colon to connect the ideas of perfectionism and scientific methodology. In this case that doesn't get rid of 'his', but sometimes it will. I've added detail on Kulwicki's death because it seems of interest for the lead, but it also has the effect of moving 'he' further away from the start of the sentence. I'm not saying add words just to do that, but varying the structure of the sentences can break up the repetitive effect as well.4u1e 12:17, 8 October 2007 (UTC)  Done

• Avoid use of first name on its own: I know it can sound a bit weird if you're talking about his childhood, but it helps with the encyclopedic tone. 4u1e 12:22, 8 October 2007 (UTC) Done
• Avoid single sentence paragraphs and definitely avoid single sentence, single paragraph section titles! See if you can join up very short paragraphs and sections to other pieces of text. I would suggest that the 'Memorials' section doesn't need any sub-sections and could probably be joined into only two or three paragraphs. The first three or four sections of 'Racing career could probably go under one heading and in three paragraphs. See Damon Hill, Tom Pryce and Alain Prost, which all take a similar approach.  Done
• You specifically asked about section headings. I suggest that the article is currently using section headings to do a job more normally done by paragraphs, that is to divide the prose up into related topics (See wikisource:The_Elements_of_Style/Principles, which is a general style guide, not a Wikipedia one). Consider whether backing your divisions off by one level (i.e. using paragraphs where you currently use section headings and perhaps starting fewer new paragraphs) would make the article flow better. Hope that makes sense!
• Don't use the name of the article in section headings ('Kulwicki subject of feature film' can be simply 'Feature film'). There's something in the MoS about this. Somewhere. 4u1e 12:31, 8 October 2007 (UTC) Done
• Background: 'Several blocks away'. Not a major point, but this is largely an American usage. Obviously the article should be written in American English, but perhaps an alternative like 'grew up very close to' would be more widely understood? And sound slightly more formal. Done
• 'Alan learned to be independent'. This sentence sort of hangs - I'd expand on the point slightly and use a direct quote from Kulwicki. 4u1e 12:49, 8 October 2007 (UTC) Done
• It would be nice to know how Kulwicki originally got into racing - I know the sources are a bit tricky for this one, though. Not done what to do?? 4u1e to expand comment
• It would be useful to have more background on what stock car racing is. Consider this general point for all racing terminology (Late model, feature race, chassis twist etc. I assume the latter means torsional stiffness - consider using this as a less colloquial term. Where possible avoid specifically stock car terminology. Where not possible, consider introducing it briefly (as you have for Busch Grand National series). Done??? Anything missed?
• What is the significance of moving from dirt tracks to paved ones?  Not done don't know what to do. It's just a different surface. The move was essential because it enabled him to move up to NASCAR, but I doubt that was on his mind at the time.
• A brief overview of the stock car scene in the 1970s might be useful to situate all the different races and series. Done?? - 4u1e to review
• You've occasionally got what sound like quotes written directly into the main text ("He was also described as kind of a loner, real quiet, very studious, hard working, and no-nonsense", "for they understood what he was going through: racing with no sponsor, doing it yourself, long hours, and a very limited budget",etc) I suggest either giving them as direct quotes or making them sound a bit more formal and detached. Done ?? 4u1e to review
• In the '1980s' section, I'm not quite clear what the purpose of the anecdote about the CBS interview is, it kind of feels like it's missing its punchline. Maybe make the point clearer, or consider removing. Done
• Nice description of how the 1992 Hooters 500 panned out, but I wasn't so clear on how Kulwicki got to that point in the season - perhaps review and give a fuller explanation of how the season went for him up to that point. Done 4u1e to review to see if more is warranted, but information is difficult to find.
• Plane crash - is it possible to give a one-liner on what happened? Engine failure, pilot error etc? Just feels slightly incomplete without it. Done
• Sorry that all sounds very critical - I think you've done a great job of pulling together material from the sources available. It amazes me no-one has written a biography of this guy - he lived a great story. 4u1e 16:27, 8 October 2007 (UTC)

Comments from Matthewedwards (talk · contribs)

• Hi. You said you were concerned about the prose, not the technical bits, which is good for me. Here goes:
• "He was a second grade child when his mother died." could be, "He was in the second grade of school when his mother died". Link to second grade, because non-US readers are unfamiliar with the American school system
  •  Done
• "He was a second grade child when his mother died. His father, Gerry, moved Alan and his brother in with his grandmother. She died when Alan Kulwicki was in seventh grade, and Kulwicki's hemophiliac brother died a year later", and the rest of that section has short stubby sentences making it seem almost list-like, and may flow better as "He was in the second grade of school when his mother died. In order to survive, his father, brother and he had to move in with his grandmother, who died when Kulwicki was in the seventh grade. A year later, his brother died of a Haemophilia-related illness.[8] Kulwicki attended Pius XI High School, a private Roman Catholic high school in Milwaukee, [9] and went on to receive a Bachelor of Science degree in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee in 1977. Heworked for two years as an engineer after graduating from university,[10] and his knowledge of engineering helped him better understand the physics of a race car, and is often believed to have contributed to his success.[11]"
  •  Done
• If you don't make the change suggested above (and you don't have to, of course), right now ref [11] is placed after a space, instead of right after the punctuation.
• "He first raced on area racetracks as a hobby while in college, but turned professional in 1980" What is an area racetrack, and can you think of a different phrase instead of "turned pro"?
  • "area tracks" means tracks in racetracks relatively near to his home (in this case it means within a 1.5 hour drive). I see what you mean - what is the "area"? Changed to local racetracks.
    •  Done Changed to "He first raced on local racetracks as a hobby while in college before becoming a professional full-time racer in 1980."
• "Given that his father's work involved travel, he was unable to help Kulwicki at most kart races.[12] When Kulwicki would ask his father for advice, he would end up doing most of the work himself.[8] "I showed him how," Jerry Kulwicki said. "And he said: 'Why don't you do it? You can do it better.' And I said, 'Well, if you do it for a while, you can do it better.' "[8]" again has a lot of short sentences, and reference 8 is overused. Consider as one alternative, "Given that his father's work involved travel, he was unable to help Kulwicki at most kart races,[12] and as a result, Kulwicki's resourcefulness was often tested trying to get his kart to the track. When Kulwicki would ask his father for advice, he would end up doing most of the work himself. "I showed him how," Jerry Kulwicki said. "And he said: 'Why don't you do it? You can do it better.' And I said, 'Well, if you do it for a while, you can do it better'."[8]
• Note that the first spelling of Jerry is with a G, and each time after is with a J. Just double-check which spelling is right
  •  Done used the spelling that the newspaper source used in Gerry's obituary (listed on the article's talk page).
• You might want to move "Jerry Kulwicki built engines for Norm Nelson and Roger McCluskey's USAC race cars.[1]" from the "Background" section to the "Early raching career" section. Use the USAC's full name before using the acronym, too
  •  Done
• Not sure "Many American racetracks host their own local-level championships." adds anything to the article
  • It was added to give perspective to readers who are not racing fans.
    •  Done Changed to "Many local-level American racetracks host their own season championships."
• "Late Models" is over capitalised (right before ref [15])
  •  Done One of several locations that needed fixing.
• In "1980s", Milwaukee is already linked, so don't bother doing it again
  •  Done
• I would link to the actual racetrack, and then link to the cities and states of Charlotte, Bristol, Daytona, Richmond, Rockingham, Pocono, etc etc, for readers unfamiliar with the racetracks/cities
  •  Done
• " comparable to Triple-A baseball." Only helps baseball fans to understand how minor the Busch Grand National is/was. Either find something more accessible-to-all, compare it to another racing type, such as Formula 2 or Formula 3000, or simply remove it.
  •  Done The comparison to Formula 2/Formula 3000 appears to be valid to me (I'm not a Formula One fan).
• Don't overlink Charlotte, or Richmond Speedway
  •  Done reviewed article for overlinking to names, tracks, and NASCAR series
• "Kulwicki could not find a ride with another owner, so he fielded his own Winston Cup (now Sprint Cup) racing team after purchasing Terry's equipment" It's already mentioned in a previous paragraph that the Winston is now Sprint, so this doesn't need mentioning again.
  •  Done Fixed in several locations
• "Kulwicki made his first career Winston Cup start...." links to the same Sprint Cup link used previously, so no need to use it again
  •  Done
• "Kulwicki finished fifteenth in the Winston Cup points for the season, with nine Top 10 finishes, eleven DNFs, and an average finish of 18.2 in 29 events[37]" needs a period at the end of the sentence
  •  Done
• "The final race of the 1992 season, a 500- mile race sponsored by Kulwicki's sponsor Hooters" overuses "sponsored"/"sponsor". Also you should use {{convert}} for 500 miles, to help the metric readers
  •  Done reworded
• "Kulwicki lost first gear" what does this mean?
  • Lost use of the first (lowest) gear, which makes it quite difficult to get the car started. I'll think on how to word more clearly.
• "Kulwicki overcame the 278 point deficit in the final six races of the season[52] to claim a 10 point victory...." "...and the Wood Brothers[34])"references should follow punctuation, per the MOS
  •  Done removed, the second reference takes care of it
  •  Done stacked all of the citations at the end of the sentence
• What's the difference between a "Polish victory lap", and a normal victory lap?
  •  Not done It is explained in its own sentence when it is first used (see next bullet) and in its own article (which has since been merged into a section in the victory lap article despite my objection).
    • After the race finished, he turned around his car, and made his now famous "Polish Victory Lap" by driving the opposite way (clockwise) on the track with the driver's side of the racecar facing toward the fans.
• "Kulwicki did not change his spending habits after winning the 1992 championship." I may have missed it, but what spending habits?
  •  Not done It's one of the themes of the article: low money. There are numerous phrases about how he was a low budget racer scraping by with no money: "racing with no sponsor, doing his own car maintenance, working long hours under a very limited budget", "Kulwicki began the season sponsorless, paying expenses out of his own pocket"
• In the "Death" section, add the states to Knoxville, Blountville and Bristol, so readers unfamiliar with the cities know where they are, unless they're linked to already
  •  Done Added a sentence noting that the flight was a short flight across the state of Tennessee
• Don't overlink Polish victory lap
  •  Done
• Can the ISSNs be linked in the references, similar to how ISBNs can be?
  •  Done Found it! Converted to {{Cite journal}}, which includes ISSN.
• Don't attribute the url in the references for publisher, just use the title, so www.speedwaymedia.com would just be Speedway Media, racingreference.info, Racing Reference. BTW, is the aol homepage a Reliable Source for reprints? Try looking at the Wayback machine for the original, or simply don't link at all
  •  Done names changed with the exception of motorsports.com and underbird.com since one word sounds wrong.
  •  Doing...
• Reference 51 has the date surrounded by [[]]
  •  Done

That's all from me for now. Let me know if you want a re-review, followup, or have any questions. I'll keep this page watchlisted, but if you contact me direct I'll be sure to come back here. -- ṃ•α•Ł•ṭ•ʰ•Ə•Щ• @ 20:25, 12 April 2008 (UTC)