Wikipedia:Peer review/Adam Wilson (The Young and the Restless)/archive1

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Adam Wilson (The Young and the Restless)[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because we're looking for more feedback on the article before submitting it for GA.

Thanks, Rocksey (talk) 22:37, 26 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is broad, generally clear, verifiable, stable, and neutral. My chief concern is with the extensive use of direct quotes, some of which probably violate copyright because of their length. I think this can be fixed by judicious trimming and paraphrasing. Here are my suggestions for further improvement.

Lead

  • MOS:INTRO says in part, The lead section should briefly summarize the most important points covered in an article in such a way that it can stand on its own as a concise version of the article." A good rule of thumb is to at least mention each of the main text sections. The existing lead says nothing about "Reception".
  • "Within days of replacement actor Michael Muhney's June 2009 debut, heterosexual villain Adam engages in an off-screen sexual encounter with another male character." - This sentence might have a few too many adjectives in front of "debut". Suggestion: "Within days of Engen's replacement by actor Michael Muhney in June 2009, Adam, a heterosexual villain, engages in an off-screen sexual encounter with another male character."

Controversy

  • "On May 27, 2009, The Young and the Restless co-head writer/co-executive producer Maria Arena Bell... : - The Manual of Style generally prefers "and" to replace the front slash. Also, when an unbroken series of wiklinked words and phrases bump into each other, it's hard for a reader to tell one link from the next. This problem can usually be solved by recasting to separate the links. Suggestion: "On May 27, 2009, Maria Arena Bell , the co-head writer and co-executive producer for The Young and Restless... ".
  • WP:MOSQUOTE says in part, "A long quote (more than four lines, or consisting of more than one paragraph, regardless of number of lines) is formatted as a block quotation... " - For that reason, the quote starting with "It was Chris’ personal decision to leave the show. We’re sorry he did. ... " should be set off as a blockquote. Ditto for the next quote, that starts with, ""Chris is terrific as Adam. I love Chris and I think... ".
  • WP:Non-free content#text says in part, "Brief quotations of copyrighted text may be used to illustrate a point, establish context, or attribute a point of view or idea.... Extensive quotation of copyrighted text is prohibited." Although "brief" and "extensive" are not precisely defined, a good rule of thumb is to limit direct quotes from a single source to 100 words or less. The Engen quote of about 375 words is in my opinion a likely copyright violation, even though properly attributed to the source, because of its length. This can be readily fixed by reducing the amount of quoted material and by paraphrasing if necessary. Sometimes paraphrasing is better in any case because it can make a point more clearly and economically than a direct quote that is rambling and discursive.
  • The Davidson quote should also be set off as a blockquote, but it is also too long, about 275 words.

Characterization and portrayal

  • The second Engen quote in this section is long enough for a blockquote.

Images

  • The fair-use rationales for the two images are a little thin. Would it be possible, for example, to replace either with a suitable free-use image? Are both images necessary for a reader to understand the text, or would one be enough?

References

  • Page ranges take en dashes rather than hyphens, thus: "pp. 36–39" rather than "pp. 36-39".

General

  • The dabfinder tool that lives here finds one link "gaslight" that goes to a disambiguation page rather than the intended target. You can use this tool at any time on any article.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 18:26, 31 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

This is so helpful, thank you for taking the time to review this article. Rocksey (talk) 21:49, 1 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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