Wikipedia:Peer review/Aang/archive4

Aang

Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
This article has gone through four GA nominations (succeeding in the last) and one FAC (failed). I really need extremely close-up feedback on the prose. I have tried copyediting it myself, but I am not sure. I really need as much advice as possible. If you see any other problems with the article, mention it here to. Thanks, — Parent5446 ^{(t n c e m l)} 21:16, 25 March 2008 (UTC)

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

No expert by any means but please accept comments of a layman...

• "...one episode of the show. The exception was "Zuko Alone"." consider merging so you don't have a tiny sentence.
• "(that has never been aired)" never really understand why significant text is in parentheses so flow it into the prose.
• "with the unique ability" meaning they have a single ability or no-one else in their universe can do this?
• "One century of his ..." probably more elegant to say that he was in suspended animation for a hundred years...
• Plot overview section needs work on merging the paragraphs, six is too many, more like three for this amount of material.
• "claim the events are part of canon." - what does this mean (to the non-expert)?

Sorry I can't help more, but hopefully some of these comments are of use. The Rambling Man (talk) 17:46, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

I fixed the problems you mentioned. I hope the article is OK now. — Parent5446 ^{(t n c k e l)} 19:57, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

Although it may take a while, the League of Copyeditors may be more what you want (line by line) - see WP:LOCE. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 23:44, 3 April 2008 (UTC)

The article already has a LOCE request. Unfortunately, I cannot wait for them because by the time the League responds, it will be 2009. In fact, the request has been in for at least a month, if not two. — Parent5446 ^{(t n c k e l)} 02:33, 4 April 2008 (UTC)