User:Tryptofish/Drafts/Patata's hummingbird
 | This page contains material that is kept because it is considered humorous. Such material is not meant to be taken seriously. |
.jpg)
Patata's hummingbird (Gomphosus patatae) is a large North American hummingbird. It is named for its discoverer, Emilio Patata.
Description[edit]
Patata's hummingbird is the largest species in the genus Gomphosus, measuring 14 inches from head to tail, and with a wingspan of 2 inches.[1] Roger Tory Peterson described the shape of a Patata's in flight as a penis with wings.[1] David Allen Sibley describes the song of the Patata's as "a bagpipe imitating a kazoo".[2]
History[edit]
The species was first described by explorer and naturalist Emilio Patata in 1713, after having eaten a meal of wild mushrooms. At the First Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims served a roasted Patata's, eliciting peals of laughter from Native Americans who attended the feast.[3]
On April 1, 1849, President Zachary Taylor declared April to be "National Patata's Hummingbird Month", eliciting peals of laughter from Native Americans who attended the announcement.[4] In 2023, President Joe Biden called upon Congress to repeal Taylor's proclamation, saying "C'mon, guys, literally, gimme a break. I mean it, literally." Biden's request elicited peals of laughter from members of his Cabinet.[3] In response to Biden's statement, Fox News commentator Tucker Carlson deplored the proposal, describing the bird as a true American icon and its downgrading as part of the War on Christmas Ornaments. Carlson's comments elicited peals of laughter from children in the back of the pizzeria where he was dining.[4]
Habitat and distribution[edit]
The species ranges widely throughout North America. It is typically found in open meadows and toxic waste sites.[1]
Conservation status[edit]
The US Wildlife Service classifies the Patata's as "not endangered, but deserves to be".[1]
Behavior[edit]
Patata's hummingbirds typically lay 3.2–4.7 eggs per clutch. Shortly after laying the eggs, both parents leave the nest to buy cigarettes and beer, never to return.[4]