User:Chemicalrubber/oncogene
Oncogene (also known as Gene or Snow) is a chemistry teacher. He is notable for his style and the way he teaches chemistry lessons. Oncogene is notable for having white hair at a relatively young age. He has been teaching chemistry for a long time, starting from the time when his hair was still black. He has a friend called Mazit.
Early life[edit]
Before Oncogene became a chemistry teacher, he was a chemistry student in a particular university. It is said that when he was in a chemistry laboratory one day, he accidentally spilled ozone, a bleaching agent, onto his once-black hair. Ever since, the pigments in his hair have started to disappear, turning his hair into an almost totally white state today. Other theories for this colour change is the long-term exposure to toxic chemicals which turns the hair white, but this is largely not agreed upon because his moustache is still black.
He was captain of the volleyball team during his university years. He won many competitions thanks to his distinctive style of playing volleyball. The positioning of his head allows him to block spikes easily. After his hair turned white, he was kicked out of the team because the coach thought he was over-age.
Lessons[edit]
Oncogene has been a chemistry teacher for a very long time. He does not like his students wasting his chemicalsss. When a student uses particular chemicalsss (especially potassium dichromate and potassium manganate, he will say, "Don't wassstte my chemicalssssss!" He will then make the student clean up. To escape this, push the blame onto the student sitting at the next bench. If not, he is likely to scold the student as he thinks that such behaviour is very horrible.
After a lab lesson and if there is still time, he will take the students to Coffee Bean and buy $5 lattes for everybody, including himself. On other occasions, it would be breakfast at Burger King or a seafood dinner at Lau Pa Sat. It is obvious that he is very wealthy because he goes shopping after spending hundred's of dollars on the students' ice cream. More recently, he has treated his students to a meal at the Rice Bowl and then a movie at Lido. He reluctantly agreed to watch Prince of Persia as he has watched it a week before, he originally wanted to watch Sex and the City 2.
Style[edit]
Oncogene's hair is mostly white, but the bottom layers are black. The hair is very noticeable even from large distances. Because he is one of the only teachers with white hair, this is a very reliable identification method. Ironically, on his IC picture, his hair is black. The reasons of the colour is given above. Common misconceptions of his hair is that there is a pile of snow on his head, which also gives rise to one of his nicknames.
Oncogene also has a unique posture. The inclination of his head is not equal to that of his back, meaning that his head is tilted in the forward direction. A good approximation is to imagine a straight line up the front of his chest, and that straight line should touch the back of his head. The said inclination increases when he is surprised, talking to a student, or playing volleyball. The forward tilt of his head gives him an advantage in spotting ants on the floor, while he cannot see stars overhead so easily.
There are strange phenomena regarding Oncogene's sweat glands. He tends to sweat more in an air-conditioned room, causing his shirt to be drenched with sweat. In the latest study, he was teaching in a air-conditioned classroom at 19 degrees centigrade. Although the air was not humid, the back of his shirt was completely wet at the end of the lesson as compared to a fully dry shirt at the start of the lesson. The phenomenon of Oncogene's interesting sweat is one that still confounds scientists today. Another phenomenon that is a conundrum to scientists is the observation that the back of his shirt is always more sweaty than the front. Scientists postulated that it is because his umbrella is not big enough to cover his back when it rains, but this phenomenon is also known to exist on sunny mornings. There are many interesting patterns on both sides of his shirt that give rise to inspiration for fractal designers.
Gene Jokes[edit]
Q: Why did all the cars stop when gene crossed the road?
A: Because the drivers thought his face was a stop sign.
Q: What do you call gene’s hair turning black?
A: Mutation.
Q: What do you call gene floating on a piece of wood in the sea?
A: Genetic drift.
Q: Why does gene spend less money than others supporting the Singapore sports teams?
A: He doesn’t need to buy face paint.
Q: What country does gene like the most?
A: Poland or whatever country’s map is on the back of his shirt.
Q: What do you call the place where gene swims?
A: Gene pool.
Q: Where is the gene pool located?
A: At the back of his shirt.
Q: Why is gene a very shy person?
A: His face is always red with embarrassment.
Q: What do you call gene running?
A: Active gene.
Q: What do you call gene sleeping?
A: Inactive gene.
Q: How can you tell whether gene is running or sleeping?
A: You can’t. Either way his back is full of sweat.
Q: Why wasn’t gene killed during the French Revolution?
A: His head couldn’t fit into the guillotine.
Q: Why is gene bad at football?
A: Even if his feet are level with the defenders, his head is offside.
Q: What do you call gene teaching physics instead of chemistry?
A: Gene defect.
Q: Why did gene swim in the Gulf of Mexico?
A: To dye his hair black.
Q: What do you call gene not buying his students coffee anymore?
A: The Selfish Gene.
Q: How does gene prepare his worksheets on the computer?
A: Genotype.
Q: What do you call gene when he was young?
A: Proto-oncogene.
Q: What do you call gene when he became a teenager?
A: Sunrise.
Q: What do you call gene when he became an adult?
A: Sunset.
Q: Why does gene not go to the toilet often?
A: He loses too much water through his skin and mouth.
Q: How can you tell that gene is a very educated person?
A: From his face, he is very well-read.
Q: What is gene's favourite fairytale?
A: Snow White.
Q: How did gene observe the moon without paying to enter an observatory?
A: He takes pictures of his own head.
Q: Why is gene the most alert in the chemistry lab?
A: Whenever ammonia is produced, he is the first to smell it.
IPA for Geneglish[edit]
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