Talk:Zesh Rehman/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Hi! I will be reviewing this article. Check back for further comments. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 09:54, 22 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Quick fail criteria[edit]

  1. Has reliable sources
  2. Is written neutrally
  3. No valid cleanup tags
  4. Is relatively stable with no edit wars
  5. Not specifically concerned with a rapidly unfolding current event with a definite endpoint
  • Article passes quick fail criteria, more detailed review to follow. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 01:13, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Full review[edit]

GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
  • Criterion 1a
    • "in the Aston area of Birmingham close to Villa Park" - what relevance does this have?
     Done removed Villa Park. it's just a bit of background info Spiderone (talk) 10:16, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "he joined the Fulham Academy with Fulham" - saying he joined the Fulham Academy with Fulham is redaundant.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:16, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    Bit of a run-on sentence has developed now. Break up "He was brought up in the Aston area of Birmingham, when he was just twelve years old he was spotted by a scout and moved with his family to London where he joined the Fulham Academy, he then progressed through the junior, youth and reserve teams at Craven Cottage." into "He was brought up in the Aston area of Birmingham, when he was just twelve years old he was spotted by a scout and moved with his family to London where he joined the Fulham Academy. He then progressed through the junior, youth and reserve teams at Craven Cottage." to make it easier to read. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 06:46, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:14, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • You use both "British-Asian" and "British Asian" throughout the article. Pick one and be consistent please.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 11:01, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Wikilink "centre-back", "holding midfielder", and "right-back" if you can.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 11:01, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • When was he sent on loan to Brighton & Hove Albion? You need context in this sentence, you simply say he was sent there for a month, which was extended to three months, and left in January 2004. Was January 2004 the end of the three months, or was it further extended? Clarify this.
     Done Reworded Spiderone (talk) 15:57, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "injury-hit Canaries" - who are the Canaries? No mention of them until this point - very confusing.
     DoneSpiderone (talk) 11:42, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    No, you still haven't explained who the Canaries are. Are they Norwich City? If they are, who don't you just say Norwich City? ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 06:46, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
     Done Spiderone (talk) 11:42, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "He ended his loan stint by playing the full 90 minutes and earning a yellow card in the process for the final game" - grammar --> "He ended his loan stint by playing the full 90 minutes, and earning a yellow card in the process, for the final game"
     Done Spiderone (talk) 11:42, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Wikilink "yellow card."
     Done Spiderone (talk) 11:40, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "along with Daniel Nardiello" - was Nardiello a teammate of his at QPR? Needs clarification on why it's relevant to this article.
     Done They all went in one combined transfer Spiderone (talk) 12:13, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "while Blackpool defender Kaspars Gorkss moving to QPR." should be "while Blackpool defender Kaspars Gorkss moved to QPR."
     Done Spiderone (talk) 12:13, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Who are "the Seasiders"?
     Done Spiderone (talk) 11:40, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    No, again, you still haven't explained who they are. I understand it's a nickname, but a nickname for who? ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 06:46, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Who are "the Tangerines"?
     Done Spiderone (talk) 11:40, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    No, again, you still haven't explained who they are. I understand it's a nickname, but a nickname for who? ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 06:46, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Rehman signed a loan deal with League Two club Bradford City until the end of the 2008–09 season" --> "Rehman signed a loan deal with League Two club Bradford City, which was to last until the end of the 2008–09 season."
     Done Spiderone (talk) 15:46, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "who was previously assistant manager at QPR" --> "who was previously the assistant manager at QPR"
     Done Spiderone (talk) 15:25, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "who had been taken ill on the day of the match" --> "who had taken ill on the day of the match"
     Done Spiderone (talk) 15:25, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "After being released by QPR on 19 May, on 19 June Rehman signed a two-year deal with Bradford City" --> "After being released by QPR on 19 May,Rehman signed a two-year deal with Bradford City on 19 June" - having the two dates right beside each other is a little confusing.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 15:25, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Who are "The Bantams"?
     Done Spiderone (talk) 12:09, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
      • No, again, you still haven't explained who they are. I understand it's a nickname, but a nickname for who? ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 06:46, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "he was reluctant to become a Pakistani international" - any reason why?
     Done reworded Spiderone (talk) 12:09, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Criterion 1b
    • The lead section needs to be expanded. Per WP:LEAD, I would say it should be two or three good sized paragraphs.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 16:33, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    Looks, good. Just one thing - "moving to Bradford on a free transfer on June 2009" should be "moving to Bradford on a free transfer in June 2009" ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 06:46, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:12, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Having the "Club career statistics" in the middle of the article disrupts the flow of the article in my opinion. Is this standard or can it be moved to the end of the article, similar to Richard Brodie (footballer), which is a GA?
     Done Spiderone (talk) 16:33, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Criterion 2a
    • Source for 5 starts for Norwich?
     Done Soccerbase Spiderone (talk) 17:11, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Source for "Rehman went on to reach a mini milestone of playing in over 100 career games during this season"?
     Done removed it Spiderone (talk) 10:12, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Source for "On 31 December he returned to QPR, having made three league appearances."?
     Done Spiderone (talk) 17:11, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Source for "whose new amabassador Omar Khan helped to engineer the move."?
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:12, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • The first paragraph in the International career section is covered by reference 29 [1], but the only information I find in this reference about Rehman is "Zesh Rehman was drafted in at right back and added considerable presence to a back four that has been breached only once from open play in the last eight games. They certainly kept it tight when needed on Saturday, repelling Grimsby’s brief flurries of pressure with well-placed blocks.


Rehman’s height also proved an effective weapon from corners. Twice he went close to a goal on his home debut, with one header scrambled unconvincingly off the line by Jean-Paul Kalala."

None of this covers the information in the aforementioned paragraph, although some of it is covered in reference 12 [2] Add this reference in where applicable.
    • Source for him taking part in the "London 'One Game' initiative" in 2008?
     Done Spiderone (talk) 17:16, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Reference 11 [3] is being used to reference "On 20 April 2008 he was a guest on the BBC Asian Network radio station show Breakdown revealing his favourite Desi music tunes.", but the reference makes no mention of this whatsoever.
     Done There was a ref name malfunction Spiderone (talk) 11:38, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Reference 10 is missing publisher information.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 17:16, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Reference 4 [4] contains some information on him backing the "Search for an Asian Star initiative". You can add this to the other projects he supports in the personal life section.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 12:43, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Reference 6 [5] says that he was "Pakistan international captain". I feel that should be noted in the International career section.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 12:43, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Reference 12 [6] contains some information on his brother being a pro footballer as well. This would be a useful addition to the Personal life section.
     DoneSpiderone (talk) 11:51, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Reference 16 [7] mentions nothing about an assist or a yellow card.
     Done source changed Spiderone (talk) 11:38, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Some more personal information in reference 17 [8]
     Done added to early life Spiderone (talk) 12:43, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Yes it is Spiderone (talk) 11:51, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It's not a reference. It's a note Spiderone (talk) 16:02, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Hmmm, I've nevber seen that done before. Could you separate it from the References section? How to is deteailed at WP:REFNOTE, and it would be a lot less confusing. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 06:46, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
It's an official anti-racism site Spiderone (talk) 16:02, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Again, that's fine. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 06:46, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Criterion 2c
    • "plus injuries and suspension problems in the squad allowed him to get his opportunity in the first team during the packed Christmas period of the season." - really reads like original research here - either source it or remove it.
     Done removed Spiderone (talk) 11:56, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "This helped him gain the confidence of the fans and the manager with some solid and consistent displays for QPR" - again either source it or remove it.
     Done removed Spiderone (talk) 11:56, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Criterion 4
    • "Although he had two years remaining on his contract his hunger for regular first team football was too strong and he decided to spend the next two seasons getting as much experience as possible" - reword this to "Although he had two years remaining on his contract, he wanted to play regular first team football, and as a result, he decided to spend the next two seasons getting as much experience as possible"
     Done Spiderone (talk) 15:51, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "QPR had only just avoided relegation the previous season, had a small budget and had an inexperienced manager in charge" - either this is point of view (pov), or it needs a reliable source.
     Done removed Spiderone (talk) 15:51, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "He struggled, but gained valuable experience of how tough life can be at other clubs." - again is either pov, or needs a reliable source.
     Done removed Spiderone (talk) 15:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "chances were limited. However, hard work, good attitude" - again is either pov, or needs a reliable source.
     Done removed Spiderone (talk) 15:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "He helped lift the team off the foot of the table and into a more respectable league position." - again is either pov, or needs a reliable source.
     Done removed Spiderone (talk) 15:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "an unrealistic aspiration." - pov.
     Done sourced Spiderone (talk) 15:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • "he put in a commanding display" - pov.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 15:59, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Criterion 6
    • While containing no images is not a reason to fail the article, I was wondering if you have searched flickr for a free image? If none is available, don't worry about it, but it would be nice to have an image in the article.
I had a look on Flickr but none of them were free. It's a shame.
  • Final comments
    • While this looks like a lot, this is a well-written article, it just needs a little work. Most of the issues I have listed are minor ones that should be easy to fix.
    • Feel free request clarification on nay thing; you can leave comments on my talk page or here, as I have this page watchlisted.
    • Please either strike each comment when the problem has been fixed or post a note saying each item is completed to make it easier for me.
    • I am placing this article on hold to allow you to fix the problems listed. If no attempts are made to correct the problems, I will fail the article is seven days. If I see progress is being made, I will extend the hold period to allow you to finish.

Thanks, ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 02:50, 23 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Looking good so far. Excellent job. I've identified a further one or two problems above, but they're relatively minor. Keep going! ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 06:46, 24 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
This is truly excellent work! I'm very impressed. Ok, I shall next be doing a final read-through of the article, just to check everything is in order. Any problems found I expect to be relatively minor and easy to fix. When they're fixed, I shall pass the article. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 01:17, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Final read-through[edit]

Early life
  • "Zesh Rehman was born on 14 October 1983 in Birmingham, while in Birmingham he played for his local Sunday league team - Kingshurst" --> "Rehman was born on 14 October 1983 in Birmingham. As a child in Birmingham he played for his local Sunday league team, Kingshurst."
     Done Spiderone (talk) 09:32, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Starting out at Fulham
  • "by being the first British Asian player to go on and play in the top division" --> "by being the first British Asian player to play in the top division"
     Done Spiderone (talk) 09:32, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Source for "He made eleven league appearances, scoring two goals"?
     Done Spiderone (talk) 09:32, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
International career
  • "However, becoming the first British Asian to don an England senior football shirt seemed too far away, due to lack of first team opportunities at Fulham." --> "Becoming the first British Asian to don an England senior football shirt seemed too far away, however, due to lack of first team opportunities at Fulham." - The word "however" shoud not be used to start sentences.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 09:32, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Because of his Pakistani parentage and possessing dual Pakistani and British nationality, he also qualified to represent Pakistan. Eventually Rehman opted to represent Pakistan as he considered it to be a more realistic option" --> Due to his Pakistani parentage, and because he possessed dual Pakistani and British nationality, Rehman also qualified to represent Pakistan, and he eventually opted to play for them, as he considered it to be a more realistic option".
     Done Spiderone (talk) 09:32, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "wanted him to fight for an England place more" --> "wanted him to fight more for an England place"
     Done Spiderone (talk) 09:32, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rehman pointed to Michael Chopra then with Cardiff City who had been" --> "Rehman pointed to Michael Chopra, then with Cardiff City, who had been" - grammar.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:20, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "yet David Nugent who was then at fellow Championship club Preston North End was picked" --> "yet David Nugent, who was then at fellow Championship club Preston North End, was picked"
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:20, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Personal life
  • "designed to provide support and facilitate the development of grassroots" --> change this to either "designed to support and facilitate the development of grassroots" or "designed to provide support for and facilitate the development of grassroots"
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:25, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • The last few sentences of the first paragraph need to be changed around a little I think.
    • "has attended meetings with the PFA" should be moved up to the "He has also worked with the Professional Footballers' Association (PFA) to try and increase the number of British Asians taking up a career in professional football." sentence, and added onto the end, i.e. --> "He has also worked with the Professional Footballers' Association (PFA) to try and increase the number of British Asians taking up a career in professional football, and has attended meetings with the PFA in order to achieve this goal."
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:31, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • You're then left with "He has also been involved with the Show Racism The Red Card campaign and he has taken part in Chelsea F.C.'s "Search for an Asian Star" campaign."
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:31, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • The final sentence of the second paragraph (the one about the Islam Expo) should be moved to the end of the first paragraph. Related info like him promoting the Asian Football Network, fighting racism, and building bridges between Britain's Muslim communities and the rest of society should be kept together in the same paragraph.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:25, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • After that sentence^^ has been moved up, combine the second and third paragraphs, which all talk about his appearances in the media.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:31, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He has a brother called Rizwan who played for Brentford but quit football early due to an injury" --> "He has a brother, called Rizwan, who played football for Brentford, but was forced to quit early due to an injury". - Just clarifying what he plays and minor grammar issues.
     Done Spiderone (talk) 10:44, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Apart from this, which are all relatively minor, the article is in good condition, and I am than willing to pass it once these issues have been resolved. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 02:53, 25 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Excellent job. This article is now a GA. Congratulations, and thanks for all your hard work. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 03:51, 26 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, it means a lot Spiderone (talk) 09:24, 26 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Zesh_Rehman/GA1&oldid=1123115385"