Talk:Zan Parr Bar

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Ealdgyth I noticed you put this article up for good article review. I'd like to do it to gain more experience doing them. I feel I have plenty of experience editing documents according to policies. However, I did edit this article before a few times although it none of it was substantial editing, just changing categories and such. What do you think? dawnleelynn(talk) 16:44, 24 March 2022 (UTC) p.s. I am not looking for a return review, so no strings attached. dawnleelynn(talk) 16:45, 24 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I would suggest that you review something outside your subject comfort zone - maybe a zoology article? If you want advice on how to do a review and a mentor, I'm happy to help, but I find that new reviewers have an easier time reviewing something they aren't incredibly familiar with - it makes sticking to the criteria a bit easier. (It's natural to expect more from a subject you're very familiar with, so it's easy to overstep the actual requirements for a GA if you're starting out with reviewing). Ealdgyth (talk) 17:04, 24 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks @Ealdgyth: for the advice. Given your high level of experience compared to mine, I'm sure you are steering me in the right direction. I will look for something else to review not in my wheelhouse. If I need assistance, I may take you up on your offer to assist as a mentor. Thanks! dawnleelynn(talk) 18:58, 24 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:Zan Parr Bar/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:37, 28 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • Only one sentence referenced in the lead, is odd. Suggest removing it but ensuring the fact is reiterated, expanded upon, and referenced in the main part of the article.
    • I've removed the superlatives (which is what the source was to cover) which should cover this problem. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • Three Bars doesn't require disambiguation.
  • What does "under saddle" mean to a non-expert?
  • No photo? I would imagine that by now a fair use image would be just fine.
  • "His dam was" link jargon.
  • "of Tulare, California and" comma after Ca.
  • "15.3 hands high and weighed 1250 pounds" convert both of these to units that non-experts/non-Imperial folks would understand.
  • And indeed, I would link "hand" as it's not a commonly used unit of measurement (certainly not outside the horse world).
  • "a couple of" do you mean two?
    • The source says "debut in California halter competition, earning several grand and reserve titles." - so I don't have a specific. I've changed it to "earning some Grand Champion and Reserve Grand Championships." in the article which covers the inprecise nature of the source. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a few " this doesn't really feel encyclopedic either.
  • "Cal Poly" put this after the first full use in parentheses, i.e. "at California Polytechnic State University (Cal Poly)"
  • "stallion to Texas and" link Texas first time.
  • "then husband" hyphenate.
  • "showing western pleasure, earning 19 points in western pleasure" repetitive.
    • now "earning 19 points in the discipline with the AQHA" Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • The points earned is interesting but completely without context, is that a large number of points? A record?
    • It's a very large number but there isn't a way to contextualize it. A person who is likely to read this article (as I have no plans of going to FAC with it, this is pretty much all the facts about the horse) will almost assuredly be a horse person so they'll want to know total points, and will get the context. If I was going to FAC, I'd have to figure out a way to contextualize this but ... since it's not going to happen... I think we're okay here. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a sire, he sired" Repetitive, I don't think you need "As a sire".
  • "of World Champion horses" why capitalised? Not a formal title.
    • Actually, yes it is. A formally granted title from the AQHA - they are a very big deal. A bigger deal than a Grand Championship at a single show - it's being named the Grand Champion of a discipline at the AQHA World Show - which has formal qualificiation requirements which are pretty hefty. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "produced Sparkles Rosezana, Zans Diamond Sun and Sparkles Suzana" why pick these out of the 600+? Were any of them notable, successful?
    • All three are - and they are singled out by the source (and by the AQHA in their biography of the horse for the Hall of Fame.) Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Show.[4][1] Five " ref numerical order.
    • I did this but it's not required at all. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "won all-around high point awards" what are these?
  • "of Colitis X on" no need for capital C on colitis.
    • Fixed.
  • Where is pedigree section referenced?
  • You could add the URL to ref 1?
    • I don't because there's an annoying bot that goes around and adds archive-urls to the short references and that mucks up the short references into insanely long things. However, I've gone ahead and added it since you asked. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

That's all I have on a quick skim over the article, so it's on hold. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 16:44, 1 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

    • I've dealt with everything but the photo, which isn't a requirement for GA to have a fair use image. Ealdgyth (talk) 18:26, 1 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
      • I realise I've reviewed a bit beyond GA criteria, I always do and it's usually greeted with thanks rather than indignation, but it was all just to improve Wikipedia. I'll promote. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 18:45, 3 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
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