Talk:Temple Israel (Dayton, Ohio)

Comments

• "and while he was rabbi no-one wore a skullcap in the Temple, as was his preference" in section "Samuel Mayersberg, Salem and Emerson building, Louis Witt": seems ambiguous to me: was his preference to wear the skull-cap, or not to wear it? Not, I presume, but it could be reworded somehow to make that clearer, e.g. "while he was rabbi, following his preference, no-one wore a skullcap in the Temple."
• "including as an "ordinary seamen in the merchant marine")" in section "Selwyn Ruslander, new sanctuary": if the original quote has the plural "seamen", it can be represented as "seam[a]n", since the overall sentence requires a singular.
• "reinstated/inaugurated" in section "Selwyn Ruslander, new sanctuary": I think the MOS decries that use of the slash. What exactly did he do? "reinstated or inaugurated or both"? "reinstated the bar mitsvah and inaugurated the bat mitzvah"?
• The section headings mentioning both a name of a rabbi and an architectural thingy are nice in a way but maybe some of them could be replaced with section headings that sound more like a single logical concept.
• "Possibly Dayton's then "best known clergyman of any faith", during his tenure Temple Israel experienced rapid growth." Like a dangling participle, I see grammatical incorrectness in this sentence but haven't yet thought of a good rewording.
• Here I switched the order of two sentences while joining them into one; I'm not sure whether the references need to be moved as a result: [1] ☺Coppertwig (talk) 20:13, 2 January 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for copy-editing the article. In response to your points:

• Good point, changed.
• Good point, fixed.
• Fixed again.
• These titles made the most sense to me, but I'm certainly open to other ideas.
• Me neither. :-)
• The references are still fine, they're in numerical order anyway.

Jayjg ^(talk) 02:12, 3 January 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! I've also tweaked the section headings. Congratulations on another well-written and well-researched article, Jayjg! ☺Coppertwig (talk) 19:12, 9 January 2010 (UTC)

Thank you, and thanks for all the improvements! Jayjg ^(talk) 06:05, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

By the way, I had put a link in the disambiguation page Temple Israel#Temple Israel (Dayton, Ohio) along with a very short summary. Many of the other temples have longer summaries, so someone might want to add to it. ☺Coppertwig (talk) 18:39, 17 January 2010 (UTC)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Temple Israel (Dayton, Ohio)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:40, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

---

This article is in decent shape, but it needs more work before it becomes a Good Article.

1. Is it well written?

   A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:

   In the lead, I'm confused with this ---> "After meeting in rented quarters, it purchased its first building", who purchased it? Same section and in the Recent events one, "As of 2010, the rabbis were David M. Sofian and Karen Bodney-Halasz" shouldn't it be ---> "As of 2010, the rabbis are David M. Sofian and Karen Bodney-Halasz"? In the The early years, at 4th and Jefferson section, "The Society met daily for prayers in rented rooms: first above a shop in the old Dayton Bank Building (later Steele High School, since demolished)", the high school was demolished or the bank building? I found it confusing. Also, I'm having a hard time understanding who "it" is. (Ex: "There it purchased for $1,500".) In the Move to Reform, and early rabbis section, is this correct ---> Godfrey/Gottheil? In the Salem and Emerson building, "when the congregation moved to new building", "a" is missing between "to" and "new". In the New sanctuary during Selwyn Ruslander's tenure section, "Witt retired in 1947, and Selwyn D. Ruslander succeeded him" ---> "Following Witt's retirement in 1947, Selwyn D. Ruslander succeeded him", something like that, you know.

   Check.

   B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:

   • Throughout the article, please link "Odd Fellows" and "College of the City of New York" to their correspondence articles.
   •  Done In the New sanctuary during Selwyn Ruslander's tenure section, why are there parentheses around WWII?

   Check.

2. Is it verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check?

   A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:

   B. Reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose):

   C. It contains no original research:

   D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:

   B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):

4. Is it neutral?

   It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:

5. Is it stable?

   It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:

6. Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?

   A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:

   B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

   If the statements above can be answered, I will pass the article. Good luck with improving this article!

--  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:40, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the thorough review. In response to the issues raised:

"After meeting in rented quarters, it purchased its first building", who purchased it?

The congregation. I've clarified.

Check. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 01:01, 1 March 2010 (UTC)

Same section and in the Recent events one, "As of 2010, the rabbis were David M. Sofian and Karen Bodney-Halasz" shouldn't it be ---> "As of 2010, the rabbis are David M. Sofian and Karen Bodney-Halasz"?

I always put these in the past tense, as 2010 soon becomes 2011; this way it doesn't have to be adjusted. I've changed it to the present tense, though, but please let me know which you prefer.

The one in the lead and in the section work fine.

In the The early years, at 4th and Jefferson section, "The Society met daily for prayers in rented rooms: first above a shop in the old Dayton Bank Building (later Steele High School, since demolished)", the high school was demolished or the bank building? I found it confusing.

The Bank Building was converted to a High School, which was since demolished. I've re-worded to try to clarify.

Much better.

Also, I'm having a hard time understanding who "it" is. (Ex: "There it purchased for $1,500".)

Kehillah Kodesh B'nai Yeshurun. I've clarified.

Check.

In the Move to Reform, and early rabbis section, is this correct ---> Godfrey/Gottheil?

Yes, he went by both names. His original German name was no doubt Gottheil, which he anglicized to Godfrey upon coming to America. However, he used both names while in America.

Just needed to know.

In the Salem and Emerson building, "when the congregation moved to new building", "a" is missing between "to" and "new".

Fixed, thanks.

You're welcome. :)

In the New sanctuary during Selwyn Ruslander's tenure section, "Witt retired in 1947, and Selwyn D. Ruslander succeeded him" ---> "Following Witt's retirement in 1947, Selwyn D. Ruslander succeeded him", something like that, you know.

Wording modified accordingly.

Check.

Throughout the article, please link "Odd Fellows" and "College of the City of New York" to their correspondence articles.

I believe they are; have I missed any?

IDK, cause I have a feature that I use that can detect disambiguations. I ran it again and it says that there are two disambiguations found. Are they linked correctly?

D'oh! I didn't understand what you meant. Fixed now. Jayjg ^(talk) 01:33, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Check. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 15:52, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

In the New sanctuary during Selwyn Ruslander's tenure section, why are there parentheses around WWII?

it was around "during World War II", but another editor has modified the text to replace the parentheses with commas, which I think works better.

Check.

Jayjg ^(talk) 06:15, 28 February 2010 (UTC)

You're welcome for the review. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 01:01, 1 March 2010 (UTC)

Thank you to Jayg for getting the stuff I left at the talk page, because I have gone off and placed the article as GA. Congrats. ;) --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 15:52, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Thank you! Jayjg ^(talk) 02:06, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

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