Talk:Sustainable wildlife enterprise

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Comments[edit]

Here's a start of what stands out to me that needs addressing:

Seems to be filled with WP:Peacock terms? (not sure about this one)
Only presents one point of view (Australia's). Mentions "experiences in countries such as South Africa and Scotland". Why not include those as well?
Usually, lead sections don't contain references. Lead sections summarize the entire article.
"Why native resources?" Section title isn't exactly encyclopedic. Perhaps "Background" or something similar?
- "Until primary production systems can put a value on habitat and conservation areas then we will see more and more species loss." (emphasis added)
- "Furthermore, native species are well adapted to Australia’s unique environment, allowing them to survive climatic extremes and thrive with little impact to the environment." Sounds more like an essay. Suggest this: Native species that are well adapted to Australia's unique environment allow them to survive the climatic extremes and thrive with little impact to the environment.
"Overseas experiences" Again, section title is not very encyclopedic. Perhaps merge into previous section? Rationale: If I lived in South Africa or Scotland, those experiences wouldn't be "oversea".

Again, this is just the beginning of the items I see needing to be addressed. Perhaps start there? – Ajl^talk 01:02, 25 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for starting to look at this. I will keep working on the Peacock terms (still working out what they are) but I agree and have made changes against your suggestions. See what you think.JennyKS (talk) 03:57, 25 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]