Talk:Snyder, New York/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Initial review[edit]

Here are my initial reactions after reading the article. Take a look, and tell me what you think. You can reply to each item individually (with proper indenting) so as to keep things in order. — LinguistAtLarge • Talk  21:31, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Timothy Hopkins was the first settler in Snyder, which was at first named Snyderville" --- Since Snyder didn't exist at the time, he wasn't a settler in Snyder. I would change this to something like "Timothy Hopkins was the first settler in the area that would later become Snyderville and subsequently Snyder".
  • "Hopkins, who married Nancy Kerr in Williamsville in the first marriage on record in Erie County, moved to a log cabin on a farm on the site of the current Amherst Central High School as a newlywed" --- I'd like to see some of these sentences simplified for clearer prose. I might change this to something like: "Hopkins married Nancy Kerr in Williamsville in the first marriage on record in Erie County. As newlyweds, they moved to a log cabin on a farm on the site of the Amherst Central High School"
  • "Today, the hamlet ...", "which continues to exist today as a weekly newspaper...", "on the site of the current Amherst Central High ...", "The current boundaries of the hamlet...", "$109,736 in current dollar terms", "The current zoning laws date back ..." --- An encyclopedia article shouldn't reference the when the aricle was written in its text, it should be written referencing concrete times/dates so that it doesn't matter if I read it in 2009 or 2059, it's still correct. These instances of "today" and "current" should all be replaced with a year, decade, etc. for example, "In 1995...", "At the beginning of the 21st century...", "As of 2005...", "As of the early 21st century..." etc. I think you get the idea.
  • "In 1830, a stagecoach, the first regularly scheduled public means of transportation between Buffalo and Batavia and sometimes Albany, started operating. It operated along Buffalo Road (later named Main Street)" --- I would tweak this for ease of reading. "In 1830, a stagecoach was established. It was the first regularly scheduled public means of transportation between Buffalo and Batavia, and sometimes Albany, and operated along Buffalo Road (later named Main Street)"
  • "connected the city Buffalo streetcar system" --- seems like there's a word missing here.
  • "but was originally defined by its post office" --- Instead of "definded by its post office", I'd change it to something like "defined by the area served by its post office" or something similar.
  • I would try to reduce the number of parenthesis used in the aricle. I think most of the sentences containing parenthetical phrases can be rewritten to avoid them.
  • "...which is listed by U.S. College Search..." --- It seems to me that listing on that website is rather trivial. It would be better to give a one-sentence description of the Stenograhic Institute itself.
  • Images --- I personally like pictures, and it's hard to resist the urge to include lots of them in an article. But we need to abide by the manual of style (MOS:IMAGES). I would try to trim it down to 4 to 6 images max, in addition to the infobox. Then put all the images that are in the article (and any more you wish to upload to commons) into a category for Snyder, New York, and link to that category with the {{commonscat}} template.
    • I added a link to the commons category Snyder, New York, which I just created on commons. — LinguistAtLarge • Talk  21:50, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]
      • I don't see the article as being improved by removing images.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:17, 1 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
        • I'm basing my comment on MOS:IMAGES and WP:LAYOUT#Images. Specifically, Avoid sandwiching text between two images that face each other and you should always be watchful not to overwhelm an article with images. I guess it's a personal/aesthetic thing but in my opinion, the images start to overwhelm the article. Especially down in the "Landmarks" and "Economy" sections where there are two boxes on the left and two on the right, and some boxes with multiple images. In my opinion, the text is sandwiched between the pictures and the pictures are overwhelming. Also up in the history section, it seems the text is sandwiched between the vertical images on the left and the infobox on the right. Of course, those are guidelines, and subject to the occasional common sense exception, but overall, I think the article would be improved by cutting back on the images a bit. For each of the boxes with multiple images, I would pick the best one from each and use that alone, so that the image supports and illustrates the text without overpowering it. In any case, I don't want to be pedantic and insist on this too much; I'd only ask that you give it your honest consideration. Or if you think I'm completely wrong, give me your reasoning. — LinguistAtLarge • Talk  02:22, 1 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

One more thing[edit]

  • I see the lead section as a blend of an introduction to the topic, and a partial summary of the article. I'd like to see just a tad bit more information in the lead. For instance, for someone not familiar with hamlets in New York, the very first sentence is strange, since I think of a hamlet as a tiny town, not as a section of a larger town. Perhaps modifying the first sentence to something like this would help: "Snyder (originally Snyderville) is a hamlet, or community, within the town of Amherst ...". Also, maybe a few sentences could be added, giving a bit more information from the Education, Landmarks, and Economy sections to round out the lead and make it more representative of the contents of the entire article. What do you think? — LinguistAtLarge • Talk  02:32, 1 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Community is the wrong word, IMO. I moved there a week after my 10th birthday and my family owned property there for over 29 years. People might informally describe it as a village within the town, but community is not a descriptor I have ever seen associated with the enclave. Community is more like a neighborhood or something from my viewpoint.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 19:49, 1 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • I have beefed up the LEAD a bit.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 20:12, 1 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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