Talk:Irtash/GA2

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 21:27, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Avoid single-sentence paras, merge that first "para" into the next.
Four para lead is too much for such a modest article, I would recommend two.
"until sneaking out" bit colloquial.
"moved to Aleppo" link.
"atabeg" what's that?
"Irtash ibn Tutush was born" no need for bold here.
"Map of the Seljuk Empire at..." this is a fragment so need for a full stop.
"then sneaked out" not particularly encyclopedic in tone.
" general view of..." again, caption is a fragment, so no full stop required.
"expel them from Palestine" overlinked.
"besieged Bosra, though" likewise.
"between Jaffa and " and that.
"An 1844 painting..." caption is fragment, no full stop.
"a very important victory" POV.
"Sevim assumes incorrectly that" I would just remove "incorrectly".
"463-549" endash.
Ref 5, pp. and en-dash.

That's all I have. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 11:19, 10 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: Everything should be addressed in these edits. However, do you want me to trim the lead down instead of just merging it? It's technically only a two paragraph lead now. –MJL ‐Talk‐^☖ 20:26, 11 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]