Talk:Angela Rock

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Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment[edit]

This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Hportmann. Peer reviewers: Shannon glass, Andreamays.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 17:18, 17 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Review[edit]

"She studied and graduated with a bachelors degree in Psychology from San Diego state and proceeded to get her masters in Education at National university as well as a masters in education from Azusa Pacific University."

San Diego State University needs to be capitalized and hyperlinked. Masters in education is mentioned twice, what is National university?

"She was apart of the San Diego State team making it to the Final Four, twice in the years of 1981 and 1982."

Change to: She was a part of the San Diego State team and made it to the Final Four in 1981 and 1982. - This sounds more grammatically correct.

Do not need to capitalize the word "author" in the sentence. (After Olympic Life)

Journey to the Olympics - The beginning is quite lengthy with few citations. Do those first few sentences all come from source #7? Just make sure that it can all be verified by this source!

Journey to the Olympics - can you hyperlink "serving aces" and "kills"? People unfamiliar with volleyball terms may not understand what this means.

Your detail is thorough and makes your article very interesting. Well done!! --Andreamays (talk) 04:13, 24 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Review by Shannon[edit]

"Angela Rock was born and raised..." GRAMMAR

Athlete is spelled wrong (SPELLING ERROR)

Hyperlink San Diego University. This allows readers to have quick access to outside information in the article.

"won 27 beach events" perhaps adding "beach volleyball events". How you have it written now may be confusing to people who don't know volleyball terminology. Dumb it down for them.

I would maybe explain what Women's Professional Volleyball Association (WPVA) and the Federation De International Volleyball tours. I would put this either in the lead or in a subsection.

The lead section is done extremely well. It is clearly organized and concise. I know exactly what you are going to talk about later on because of the information laid out in the lead section. --Shannon glass (talk) 16:02, 22 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"into the Hall of Fame there". I would change it to "inducted into their Hall of Fame." I think this sounds better and I feel like having "there" at the end of a sentence makes the sentence sound awkward. --Shannon glass (talk) 16:07, 22 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

In the first two sentence don't repeat the word "studied". I recommend saying she was a student athlete at San Diego. And then saying she studied and graduated with the degree.

Hyperlink Psychology

Her masters should capitalized. Ex: Masters of Education

I think it makes more sense to say, "she fell in love with the idea of being an olympian..."

I would reword some sentences in the "journey to the olympics". I understand what you are saying, but I think it could be better if you worded and structured the sentences better! Also watch your grammar. You need to add in some commas or make separate sentences. I like how you explain her journey, though!

I think the after olympic life portion is written extremely well!!!

You need to add a subsection about her at the olympics. Explaining the team and her individual stats. This would make the most sense because it is confusing to have a before olympics and post olympics and not talk about her experience at the olympics! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Shannon glass (talk • contribs) 20:29, 23 October 2018 (UTC) Shannon glass (talk) 20:44, 23 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Edits After Peer Review[edit]

I fixed some grammar mistakes such as capitalizing the masters and changing some words to make my sentences more grammatically correct. I also added some more punctuation into my article. The sentences that do not have citation right after are all linked to the next citation. I fixed the heading for Before Olympic Life to incorporate her actual Olympic life. I also added a hyperlink to psychology. --Hportmann (talk) 15:32, 26 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

adding internal links after going live[edit]

I added an internal link for beach volleyball, bachelors degree, and masters degree --Shannon glass (talk) 16:01, 29 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Edits after publishing[edit]

I fixed minor grammatical errors throughout. --Andreamays (talk) 16:08, 29 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]