Talk:2012 Grand National/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 15:32, 19 July 2012 (UTC)

I will be reviewing this article. As it's one of my first GA reviews, I will be asking for a second opinion after we're done. I will post comments within 24 hours.
—Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 15:32, 19 July 2012 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Lead

• Try to take out the references from the lead and put them in the body of the article
• Do we need reference 1? I don't really see why it's needed
• "Neptune Collonges, ridden by Daryl Jacob, won the race, beating second-placed Sunnyhillboy in [...]" Remove second-placed
• Add something about the safety changes in the lead
• Can you add some about the race overview?
• "grey horse" -> "grey horse"
• For reference 3: "Telegraph" should be "The Daily Telegraph"

Safety changes

• Why is "National Course" in italics?
• "RSPCA" -> "Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals"
• "4 ft 10 inches" -> "4 ft 10 in."

Race card

• De-wikilink British Horseracing Authority. You already linked it once in the section before
• Several references needed. Just some examples:
  • "Entries for the race had to be submitted by 31 January 2012."
  • "Synchronised was attempting to become the first horse since Golden Miller in 1934 to win both the Gold Cup and Grand National in the same year."
  • "Jockey Tony McCoy rode Synchronised and was aiming for his second Grand National success in 17 attempts."
• "[...] and following the second round of scratchings on 20 March" Missing a period?
• What does JF mean in the table?
• Not necessary, but try and see if {{ref label}} would be better instead of an asterisk (referring to your note in the table)

Race overview

• References needed, examples:
  • "The start of the race was delayed after Synchronised unseated his rider, Tony McCoy during the warm-up and got loose on the racecourse."
  • "there were further delays caused by overly-keen riders and horses breaching the starting tape twice."
  • "Jockeys, trainers, viewers and spectators waited for one-and-a-half minutes to hear the judge's official announcement [...]"
• Delink "Becher's Brook"
• Are there any free images of the race available?
• Eventually is a bad word. Either take it out or say when
• Charged seems a little POV
• "Viking Blond became the race's first faller" How did he fall?
• "His jockey Brian Hughes suffered a suspected broken cheekbone in the fall" Suspected? Either his cheekbone was broken or not
• "[...], both 16/1 shots, [...]" seems jargony. Try rephrasing to something like "[...], both of which had odds of 16/1, [...]
• "By the fourth, [...]" Fourth what?
• "prominent position" prominent seems POV
• "State of Play unseated his rider Noel Fehily and Chicago Grey and Rare Bob were brought down" -> "State of Play unseated his rider, Noel Fehily; Chicago Grey and Rare Bob were brought down"
  • Also, what do you mean by brought down?
• "and a screen was soon erected around him" what do you mean by screen?
• "Becher's Brook, the sixth obstacle, saw the well-backed Cheltenham Gold Cup winner Synchronised fall." -> "Becher's Brook, the sixth obstacle, saw the Synchronised fall." No need to hype the horses up again and again.
• "McCoy suffered a soft-tissue injury but Synchronised" comma before but
• "suffer serious injury, and he continued" probably be better with "suffer serious injury. He continued"

Reactions

• Need references for every quotation
• There are some jockey quotes that I think should be removed. For example, what is the significance of having "Tom Scudamore, whose mount Junior fell at the second fence, said: "It was brief, unfortunately.""?

Broadcasting

• Refs needed. Examples:
  • "As the Grand National is accorded the status of an event of national interest in the United Kingdom and is listed on the Ofcom Code on Sports and Other Listed & Designated Events, it is always shown on free-to-air terrestrial television in the UK."
  • "The race was aired on BBC Radio for the 80th successive year"
• Is there a need to have the entire quote box in bold?

Subsequent review

• Ref needed for "have been neither "foreseen nor prevented"".

Other issues

• Watch your POV. I see you've called something "famous" three times in the article. Also see "notable".

The main problem I see is a lack of references. Once that is fixed, this article will look great, and probably we GA-worthy.
—Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 19:05, 19 July 2012 (UTC)

Struck out comments that have been addressed. I've also added some edits to the article.

It has been a week hardly any progress has been made. The article is severely lacking references, and the prose can be improved. Thus, the article will be failed. I suggest either a peer review and maybe a copy edit. I also suggest reading WP:When to cite. If you disagree with my decision, there is WP:Good article reassessment.
—Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 23:52, 26 July 2012 (UTC)